I haven't written in a while. Not for lack of trying, I must have sat down at least 5 or 6 times, determined to pen the blog post of the century. I've just been empty of words, for lack of a better way to describe it. I guess sometimes you walk through valleys with shadows so deep you just don't know what to say. I would love to be able to say that I am writting this post from the viewpoint of "victory", with every enemy vanquished and every demon banished. I would love to say that I have found the solution to all of my sins, struggles and anxieties and if you follow my patented five step process you too can have your "best life now".
However, I never was any good at lying so I don't see the point of starting now. Truth be told, I feel as if I've been traveling in a tunnel so dark and twisted I can't see any daylight. The nice way to say it is i'm still "in process"
Growing up, I read lot of christian literature about a variety of subjects. But, something I never understood was why so many authors had chosen to write books dealing with the subject of pain and suffering. Why not write more books about how we can stop sinning or how we can be a more productive person, or something useful I thought. People seemed to struggle predominantly with the thought that if God truly loved them then X wouldn't have happened. To be honest I always thought the people who questioned God with a big"WHY ME!?" we're a little slow and silly. That is until recently.
When I first began to walk with Christ, my life changed radically for the better. Everything was beautiful and bright. I floated on clouds, nothing could go wrong (or so it seemed). I faced every hurdle with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. Life was like skipping through a a field of daises. Every day was a new adventure, a new lesson to be learned, I was in love.
But things began to change in May. I stopped learning as quickly as I once did; when I fell down, I didn't pop right back up, I stayed down. My failures seemed to mount day by day. I felt lost, I didn't understand. The hardest thing is the unsureness of everything. Questions swam in my head. How long will I feel like this? How long will the sadness stay? Has God forgotten about me? Why am I failing so much? Does this mean that I'm not saved? What if I go back to how I used to be?
This semester has been hard.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Reflections
I just returned from attending the fall concert of the USF honors philharmonic orchestra, jazz combo and a Capella groups. It was incredible.
Attending musical events always causes me to reflect heavily on my life. Music has been such a huge part of my life.
My first reflection is on the incredible goodness of God. There is so much sin in this world, so much darkness. My heart aches for the homeless, the lonely widows, the invisible children, those who are lost and have no hope. Our world is caught in the grips of selfishness, greed and corruption. Yet, nonetheless God has given us the gift of music. I cannot express the pure joy that arises from performing music.
Can you see it? Playing your favorite piece, with a group of people you have come to love as family. You begin, the music swells, you grin in anticipation. Every person you desperately hoped would come has arrived and is on the edge of their seats in the audience. The rhythm section is as solid as rock, every note is perfect. The music grows and swells and takes on a life of its own. Are you making it or is it making you? As the opus ends and the final note slowly drifts away, your hands are tingling and you are left with a curious mix of joy and sorrow. Longing fills your heart, to be back at that moment of perfection. But, you are joyful knowing your work is complete.
Attending musical events always causes me to reflect heavily on my life. Music has been such a huge part of my life.
My first reflection is on the incredible goodness of God. There is so much sin in this world, so much darkness. My heart aches for the homeless, the lonely widows, the invisible children, those who are lost and have no hope. Our world is caught in the grips of selfishness, greed and corruption. Yet, nonetheless God has given us the gift of music. I cannot express the pure joy that arises from performing music.
Can you see it? Playing your favorite piece, with a group of people you have come to love as family. You begin, the music swells, you grin in anticipation. Every person you desperately hoped would come has arrived and is on the edge of their seats in the audience. The rhythm section is as solid as rock, every note is perfect. The music grows and swells and takes on a life of its own. Are you making it or is it making you? As the opus ends and the final note slowly drifts away, your hands are tingling and you are left with a curious mix of joy and sorrow. Longing fills your heart, to be back at that moment of perfection. But, you are joyful knowing your work is complete.
I truly believe that this is a reflection of heaven.
One day soon Christ will return to us, in all his glory. The bride coming to claim the bridegroom. The redeemer coming to rescue those that he paid for with his own precious blood. Christ and the church, one of the greatest mysteries. What a day of rejoicing that will be! Finally, finally, we will meet face to face the lover of our souls. And we will know him, just as we are known.
And we will finally be home.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The semester thus far
"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."
I generally "pride" (one of my greater sins, as if I have things to be proud of) myself on being a fairly steady, consistent person, not given to emotional upheaval. This has not been the case this semester at all. The only thing I've done consistently this semester is be upset!
I could go on forever about all the things that aren't going the way I want them to, about the things that are hurting me. But, what use would that be? I don't know why I am walking through these trials, or why I feel less capable then ever to meet them. But, I can tell you what I've learned from the experience.
Here's the short story, this semester was a curve ball. I've faced challenges that I never thought I'd have to face. Things that used to be so simple and easy have now grown too difficult for me to handle.
And here are the results:
I have had to throw myself completely at the mercy of God. I have given up attempting to do life on my own strength, by my own will power. It's a hard truth to swallow, but a beautiful one. I am completely dependent on Jesus. All good things come from him (James 1:17), nothing good comes from me (Romans 3:10-18,23). I've said this before, but to truly realize that on my own, I don't even have the ability to perform basic courtesy.
Suffering really is a blessing. (James 1:2-4, Matthew 5:1-12)
But, I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see. (2 Corinthians 5:7)
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible."
~2 Corinthians 12:9-10
I am now halfway through the fall semester of my sophomore year of college. I don't know how I got this far this quickly. I'm amazed at the speed at which the days turns into weeks. This is now my third attempt to put into words what I have been going through this semester. It's been a roller coaster, to say the least."Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."
~Proverbs 3:5-6
I generally "pride" (one of my greater sins, as if I have things to be proud of) myself on being a fairly steady, consistent person, not given to emotional upheaval. This has not been the case this semester at all. The only thing I've done consistently this semester is be upset!
I could go on forever about all the things that aren't going the way I want them to, about the things that are hurting me. But, what use would that be? I don't know why I am walking through these trials, or why I feel less capable then ever to meet them. But, I can tell you what I've learned from the experience.
Here's the short story, this semester was a curve ball. I've faced challenges that I never thought I'd have to face. Things that used to be so simple and easy have now grown too difficult for me to handle.
And here are the results:
I have had to throw myself completely at the mercy of God. I have given up attempting to do life on my own strength, by my own will power. It's a hard truth to swallow, but a beautiful one. I am completely dependent on Jesus. All good things come from him (James 1:17), nothing good comes from me (Romans 3:10-18,23). I've said this before, but to truly realize that on my own, I don't even have the ability to perform basic courtesy.
Suffering really is a blessing. (James 1:2-4, Matthew 5:1-12)
But, I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see. (2 Corinthians 5:7)
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible."
~Hebrews 11:1-3
"...But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."~Hebrews 1:6
This I know
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known."
~1 Corinthians 13:11
Thursday, August 12, 2010
If you were wondering what I did this summer...
I spent the summer in Tennessee at a Navigator Summer Training Program. The Navigators is a ministry begun in 1933 by a man named Dawson Trotman. It was originally started among Navy men (thus the name The Navigators), but now has expanded to include college campuses and foreign missions as well. A summer training program is eight weeks long. You work almost full time and in your "spare" time (as in every other waking moment) you participate in an intense bible study, one on one discipleship, evangelism, workshops and nav nights.
What do I see when I look back over this summer?
I see brokenness, complete brokenness. I was put together in all the wrong ways. God had to break me so he could put me back together in the likeness of his Son. But, just like a hard winter makes the spring that more glorious, and the first few flowers pushing through the frozen ground that more precious, brokenness leaves room for me to be used for his glory.
God used this summer to wage full scale war on all the bitterness, anger, pain and resentment I had stored in my heart all these years. It felt like every day God was bringing a new memory from my past where I had been hurt and hadn’t dealt with it. I swear, I’ve cried more in these two months then I have in the past two years. I was honestly surprised at the depth of m emotions over these things that had occurred five or six even ten years ago. I remember crying on the back porch one day and I asked God “why did all these things happen to me, why did I have to go through all this?” and his reply was “so you would come to know me better.”
Then again while I was working, I was thinking about all the pain in my life and God asked me “Sarah, if everything you had to go through was what it took for you to turn to me, would you still have had it happen? Would you trade your relationship with me for a perfect life?”
I realized I am not who I thought I was. If you had asked me before STP who I was, I would have said “I’m Sarah Jo, I’m tough, I’m a B.A., I can handle anything, I’m fearless, I do what I want”. I would have described myself as an extrovert, who loves to talk, and is not afraid of telling people the truth.
But, I realized that’s not me at all.
The real me has been in hiding for the past ten years. I created this monster mask to hide behind, to scare people away so they wouldn’t hurt me. The monster was created out of every core lie I ever believed. That I’m unlovable, ugly, worthless, a waste of time, arrogant, loud, overweight, unwanted, stupid, annoying, dominating, forgettable, my brain is the only good part of me, I have to defend myself, I have to be tough. This monster grew bigger and bigger over the years until I eventually it overshadowed me to the point that I thought I was the monster. I lived in defensive mode permanently. My fears controlled me, the fear of being alone, my fear of people, and my fear of abandonment.
When I look back over the years of my life from 8-18 I am incredibly saddened at how that perception hurt me. The place where I was injured the most was in my relationships with other people. I viewed relationships as similar to a financial exchange. Whenever I was in a relationship with someone, I based our friendship upon what I could do for them. I rationalized that if I could do enough to make them happy, they wouldn’t leave me. But, I never let myself love someone, that was far to dangerous. I realize now just how shallow and meaningless my relationships with people were. I hurt so many people this way, I would let them get close to me, let them get attached but I would never need anyone, I could walk away at the drop of a hat and I frequently did.
I thought I was so tough, but you know what, I’m not. I’m not big and scary, I’m small and afraid, afraid that who I am isn’t going to be enough to keep people around, that unless I strive to completely meet everyone’s needs, they won’t have a reason to be around me. I thought that I was this tough girl who could handle anything, but I can’t, I can’t be everything to everybody. I am weak and fearful.
Now I’m just trying to figure out who I really am in Christ. I catch glimpses of myself on occasion. I am patient with children, I love to be out in nature, I like being alone, I am gentle, I love to give hugs.
“The soul is like a wild animal – tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, self-sufficient. It knows how to survive in hard places. But it is also shy. Just like a wild animal, it seeks safety in the dense underbrush. If we want to see a wild animal, we know the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out. But if we walk quietly into the woods, sit patiently by the base of the tree and fade into our surroundings, the wild animal we seek might put in an appearance.”
One big thing I had to tackle this summer that arose from my monster persona is the way I communicate with people. I always argue; I treat every conversation as a battle to be won. This might work okay with guys who love competition, but when you live with a cabin of eleven other girls, communication will break down if you approach them from that angle. About week six I started to get really frustrated with myself and everyone else who lived with me. I felt like I couldn’t have a decent conversation with any of them. I felt like a rhinoceros living in a pen with a bunch of baby chicks, every move I made I ended up squishing someone. Praise God, one of the team leaders in my cabin had the patience to sit down and talk with me and help me work through my communication barriers.
I’ve had to go through a lot of changes since I began following Christ, layer after layer of worldliness had to be washed away. So many things had to be transformed; you think I would be used to it and expect it. However, when I realized even something as core to my being as the way I communicate with people had to be changed I was like “seriously God, seriously. Honestly? This has to change too?”
I learned that it’s okay for me to have needs. I used to think that I couldn’t have needs, emotional relational etc. I had this pseudo-vulnerability in that I let people know what I’m thinking and feeling, I was very transparent, but because I never let myself care about anyone I wasn’t vulnerable. I learned that people who don’t know who they are attract others who don’t know who they are, but Jesus came to show us who we are. If you don’t know who you are you are a slave to those around you. I decided that I wasn’t going to be a slave anymore, I am free in Christ. Free to be myself, whoever she may be.
I really grew in the area of evangelism. We went out into two neighboring cities, Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg and shared the bridge to whoever we could. At first I really struggled intellectually with evangelism. I felt like if I didn't understand everything theologically about salvation and evangelism, then I just couldn't do it. But, after a few frustrating, disappointing nights I decided to check my pride and attitude and just obey God's command and give it all I got. When I finally did that, I had one of the best witnessing nights of my life (ask me about it!)
I walked into my job thinking, "Sweet, this is going to be so easy. I'll get a great tan, plus I get paid more then everyone else, nice!" WRONG! My first day was so stressful I thought about asking if they could switch me to foods. In all of this turmoil and trial I had to lean on God in my weakness. There were somedays where I would go to the guard shack for break and put my head down and pray to God that I wouldn't fall apart during my next rotation. Now it wasn't all bad, I actually really began to enjoy it after the first week (though audits kept me slightly stressed all summer). I had great bosses who were supportive, caring and friendly. I truly enjoyed working at splash country.
This summer God has really given me a vision for my life. My goal is to give my life away, to die with nothing left in my hands. I'm not sure what this is going to look for my life, I guess we'll see.
When things got rough this summer and I felt like I was at the bottom God gave me peace by changing my perspective. I saw how temporary everything is and how glorious heaven is and I realized even when things get really crappy, it's not for that long. This is when it really came home for me: There was a day where it poured rain, they didn't even open the park till 11. However, it wasn't lightening so the park stayed open. So I was standing at the bottom of a slide, that no one was coming down, in a torrential downpour, to quickly realize the water-proof jacket I had been issued, was not really water-proof. I thought about being upset and complaining but then God opened my eyes. I was like "Who cares if it's raining? Who cares if I'm cold? Who cares if I can't manage to maintain my weight? Who cares if I can't manage to communicate with people the way I want?" Sarah, before you know it, you're going to be dead and gone and all this will pass away like vapor, so why get yourself all worked up over it? If God chose to put you here in the pouring rain, with a body that doesn't do what you want, with life experiences that have made it nearly impossible for you to communicate as easily as you want, so be it"
What do I see when I look back over this summer?
I see brokenness, complete brokenness. I was put together in all the wrong ways. God had to break me so he could put me back together in the likeness of his Son. But, just like a hard winter makes the spring that more glorious, and the first few flowers pushing through the frozen ground that more precious, brokenness leaves room for me to be used for his glory.
God used this summer to wage full scale war on all the bitterness, anger, pain and resentment I had stored in my heart all these years. It felt like every day God was bringing a new memory from my past where I had been hurt and hadn’t dealt with it. I swear, I’ve cried more in these two months then I have in the past two years. I was honestly surprised at the depth of m emotions over these things that had occurred five or six even ten years ago. I remember crying on the back porch one day and I asked God “why did all these things happen to me, why did I have to go through all this?” and his reply was “so you would come to know me better.”
Then again while I was working, I was thinking about all the pain in my life and God asked me “Sarah, if everything you had to go through was what it took for you to turn to me, would you still have had it happen? Would you trade your relationship with me for a perfect life?”
I realized I am not who I thought I was. If you had asked me before STP who I was, I would have said “I’m Sarah Jo, I’m tough, I’m a B.A., I can handle anything, I’m fearless, I do what I want”. I would have described myself as an extrovert, who loves to talk, and is not afraid of telling people the truth.
But, I realized that’s not me at all.
The real me has been in hiding for the past ten years. I created this monster mask to hide behind, to scare people away so they wouldn’t hurt me. The monster was created out of every core lie I ever believed. That I’m unlovable, ugly, worthless, a waste of time, arrogant, loud, overweight, unwanted, stupid, annoying, dominating, forgettable, my brain is the only good part of me, I have to defend myself, I have to be tough. This monster grew bigger and bigger over the years until I eventually it overshadowed me to the point that I thought I was the monster. I lived in defensive mode permanently. My fears controlled me, the fear of being alone, my fear of people, and my fear of abandonment.
When I look back over the years of my life from 8-18 I am incredibly saddened at how that perception hurt me. The place where I was injured the most was in my relationships with other people. I viewed relationships as similar to a financial exchange. Whenever I was in a relationship with someone, I based our friendship upon what I could do for them. I rationalized that if I could do enough to make them happy, they wouldn’t leave me. But, I never let myself love someone, that was far to dangerous. I realize now just how shallow and meaningless my relationships with people were. I hurt so many people this way, I would let them get close to me, let them get attached but I would never need anyone, I could walk away at the drop of a hat and I frequently did.
I thought I was so tough, but you know what, I’m not. I’m not big and scary, I’m small and afraid, afraid that who I am isn’t going to be enough to keep people around, that unless I strive to completely meet everyone’s needs, they won’t have a reason to be around me. I thought that I was this tough girl who could handle anything, but I can’t, I can’t be everything to everybody. I am weak and fearful.
“and he said to me ‘my grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in weakness’. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities that they power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
-2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
Now I’m just trying to figure out who I really am in Christ. I catch glimpses of myself on occasion. I am patient with children, I love to be out in nature, I like being alone, I am gentle, I love to give hugs.
“The soul is like a wild animal – tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, self-sufficient. It knows how to survive in hard places. But it is also shy. Just like a wild animal, it seeks safety in the dense underbrush. If we want to see a wild animal, we know the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out. But if we walk quietly into the woods, sit patiently by the base of the tree and fade into our surroundings, the wild animal we seek might put in an appearance.”
–Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness
One big thing I had to tackle this summer that arose from my monster persona is the way I communicate with people. I always argue; I treat every conversation as a battle to be won. This might work okay with guys who love competition, but when you live with a cabin of eleven other girls, communication will break down if you approach them from that angle. About week six I started to get really frustrated with myself and everyone else who lived with me. I felt like I couldn’t have a decent conversation with any of them. I felt like a rhinoceros living in a pen with a bunch of baby chicks, every move I made I ended up squishing someone. Praise God, one of the team leaders in my cabin had the patience to sit down and talk with me and help me work through my communication barriers.
I’ve had to go through a lot of changes since I began following Christ, layer after layer of worldliness had to be washed away. So many things had to be transformed; you think I would be used to it and expect it. However, when I realized even something as core to my being as the way I communicate with people had to be changed I was like “seriously God, seriously. Honestly? This has to change too?”
I learned that it’s okay for me to have needs. I used to think that I couldn’t have needs, emotional relational etc. I had this pseudo-vulnerability in that I let people know what I’m thinking and feeling, I was very transparent, but because I never let myself care about anyone I wasn’t vulnerable. I learned that people who don’t know who they are attract others who don’t know who they are, but Jesus came to show us who we are. If you don’t know who you are you are a slave to those around you. I decided that I wasn’t going to be a slave anymore, I am free in Christ. Free to be myself, whoever she may be.
I really grew in the area of evangelism. We went out into two neighboring cities, Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg and shared the bridge to whoever we could. At first I really struggled intellectually with evangelism. I felt like if I didn't understand everything theologically about salvation and evangelism, then I just couldn't do it. But, after a few frustrating, disappointing nights I decided to check my pride and attitude and just obey God's command and give it all I got. When I finally did that, I had one of the best witnessing nights of my life (ask me about it!)
I walked into my job thinking, "Sweet, this is going to be so easy. I'll get a great tan, plus I get paid more then everyone else, nice!" WRONG! My first day was so stressful I thought about asking if they could switch me to foods. In all of this turmoil and trial I had to lean on God in my weakness. There were somedays where I would go to the guard shack for break and put my head down and pray to God that I wouldn't fall apart during my next rotation. Now it wasn't all bad, I actually really began to enjoy it after the first week (though audits kept me slightly stressed all summer). I had great bosses who were supportive, caring and friendly. I truly enjoyed working at splash country.
"Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6
This summer God has really given me a vision for my life. My goal is to give my life away, to die with nothing left in my hands. I'm not sure what this is going to look for my life, I guess we'll see.
When things got rough this summer and I felt like I was at the bottom God gave me peace by changing my perspective. I saw how temporary everything is and how glorious heaven is and I realized even when things get really crappy, it's not for that long. This is when it really came home for me: There was a day where it poured rain, they didn't even open the park till 11. However, it wasn't lightening so the park stayed open. So I was standing at the bottom of a slide, that no one was coming down, in a torrential downpour, to quickly realize the water-proof jacket I had been issued, was not really water-proof. I thought about being upset and complaining but then God opened my eyes. I was like "Who cares if it's raining? Who cares if I'm cold? Who cares if I can't manage to maintain my weight? Who cares if I can't manage to communicate with people the way I want?" Sarah, before you know it, you're going to be dead and gone and all this will pass away like vapor, so why get yourself all worked up over it? If God chose to put you here in the pouring rain, with a body that doesn't do what you want, with life experiences that have made it nearly impossible for you to communicate as easily as you want, so be it"
"And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell" -Matthew 10:28
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
The challenge
American Christians are at a cross roads. Will we continue to follow the siren call of financial prosperity or will we forsake all for the cause of Christ? Who are we kidding? We cannot serve both God and mammon.
How difficult to resist the temptation to indulge, to grow slothful in our disciplines. "You're not hurting anyone, it's your life, do what feels good, find your happiness" our culture croons. To be faithful in the little things this, this is an everyday battle, a constant fight. It isn't glorious. Nobody notices, nobody cheers for you when you get up and do the little hard things everyday that you hate doing.
So here we are in America. We have every physical comfort we could want. Well, at least most people who would have the time to read the musings of a small-town teenage girl do. Yet we face one of the greatest challenges and opportunities the Church has ever seen.
Let us rise up to drink the new wine we have in Christ Jesus. Living sacrificially and simply for the cause of Christ, that is what we must do.
“And to the angel of the church of the Laodiceansf]">[f] write,
‘These things says the Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God: “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth. Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked— I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." - Revelation 3:14-21
How difficult to resist the temptation to indulge, to grow slothful in our disciplines. "You're not hurting anyone, it's your life, do what feels good, find your happiness" our culture croons. To be faithful in the little things this, this is an everyday battle, a constant fight. It isn't glorious. Nobody notices, nobody cheers for you when you get up and do the little hard things everyday that you hate doing.
So here we are in America. We have every physical comfort we could want. Well, at least most people who would have the time to read the musings of a small-town teenage girl do. Yet we face one of the greatest challenges and opportunities the Church has ever seen.
Let us rise up to drink the new wine we have in Christ Jesus. Living sacrificially and simply for the cause of Christ, that is what we must do.
“And to the angel of the church of the Laodiceansf]">[f] write,
‘These things says the Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God: “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth. Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked— I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." - Revelation 3:14-21
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I hate violence.
I HATE Violence. Everyday, people beat up the homeless for fun, rape little girls to fulfill their fantasies and shoot people for the petty cash in their wallets. This is reality. Yet we watch it for entertainment? How can we allow this into our homes?
People say to me "Oh, it's not real, it just T.V., everybody knows it's not real."
Come on, please. Who do you think you're kidding?
We are so ridiculous. Why do we deceive ourselves? Do we honestly believe we are above the influence of the media we feed ourselves?
Look, I'll put it to you straight friends. We use media to entertain ourselves, we watch movies (or read books, or listen to music etc.) for entertainment, correct? Therefore if there's violence in your media, you are being entertained by it.
"Oh, no I just ignore it, I watch the movies because I like the plot (or the special effects or the actors etc.)."
Lame excuse, try again.
Even if that were true, then by default, not only are you desensitizing yourself to violence, you are teaching yourself to ignore violence. You often hear complaints that American ignore the plight of those less fortunate (the homeless, the people of Darfur, children in the sex slave industry etc.). We ask "How can we ignore these people who desperately need our help?"
How?
Because we practice it on a daily basis.
Every year, movies get more and more violent. Things that would have been unacceptable, five ten years ago, are accepted without question now. That means as a society we are needing more and more violence to satisfy our appetites. Can't you see what an addiction it has become?
"But I really like all the cool forensic science stuff on T.V., it can't be all that bad."
We all know T.V. crime scene dramas only show the "cool" part of the crime. But, what about the wretchedness that is the reality for actual crime victims?
How much agony do parents of kidnapped children go through as they wait day after day, sitting by the phone, clinging to hope that somehow their baby is still alive and they will get to hold them again? What about the victims of rape? Where is their consolidation? Does catching the rapist heal them? How often does that actually happen? Every drama ends so neatly, but is that a reality for most rape victims? How many nights do they lay awake, afraid to sleep because of the nightmares that won't go away?
Friends, I am pleading with you. Think about what you are doing. There is so much untold suffering in this world, the least we can do is not exploit it for entertainment.
Our lives here in America our so...sanitary. Most of us will never have to experience what is the daily reality for so many people. We will never go hungry, never have to worry about soldiers invading our home. We are one of the wealthiest, most privileged nations to ever exist in human history.
Or maybe you are the victim of violence. For that, whatever your circumstances, I am deeply sorry.
"Okay, so I won't consume media that has violence in it any more, will that satisfy you?"
It is not enough to simply avoid doing bad things, we must begin to replace our wrongdoing with righteousness.
As Americans, there is so much we can do without ever even leaving the comfort of our homes. We don't have to be the leader of a huge charity to make an impact, we don't have to sell everything we own and move to Africa to work with orphans (though those are noble things). We grossly underestimate the impact of living simply.
It's nice when we can do big things to help people, huge fund-raising projects, awareness campaigns, things that everybody notices. But, how much more of challenge is it to do the little things that that nobody notices? Denying yourself daily is the key.
This is what I have realized. I do not know what God has planned for my life. What I will do after I graduate, I haven't the faintest idea. But, this I do know. TODAY, I will do my best to be faithful in the little things. It starts with today, God has called me to be faithful today. Not tomorrow, not when I'm old and I'm done having fun. God calls for obedience today.
Luke 16:10
There seems to be a disconnect in our thinking. We see evil on a national scale and don't understand that its just a magnification of the evil that we do.
Environmental issues? Magnification of the fact that sometimes I don't take the extra step to recycle.
Human rights issues? Magnification of my own selfishness.
Animal rights issues? Magnification of the fact that sometimes I get to busy to pay attention to my dog.
I don't want to live my life ignoring the poor and the destitute.
Let us rise up as a generation and plead the cause of the broken, the poor and the destitute to the ends of the earth.
Ezekiel 16:49-50 (NKJV)
People say to me "Oh, it's not real, it just T.V., everybody knows it's not real."
Come on, please. Who do you think you're kidding?
We are so ridiculous. Why do we deceive ourselves? Do we honestly believe we are above the influence of the media we feed ourselves?
Look, I'll put it to you straight friends. We use media to entertain ourselves, we watch movies (or read books, or listen to music etc.) for entertainment, correct? Therefore if there's violence in your media, you are being entertained by it.
"Oh, no I just ignore it, I watch the movies because I like the plot (or the special effects or the actors etc.)."
Lame excuse, try again.
Even if that were true, then by default, not only are you desensitizing yourself to violence, you are teaching yourself to ignore violence. You often hear complaints that American ignore the plight of those less fortunate (the homeless, the people of Darfur, children in the sex slave industry etc.). We ask "How can we ignore these people who desperately need our help?"
How?
Because we practice it on a daily basis.
Every year, movies get more and more violent. Things that would have been unacceptable, five ten years ago, are accepted without question now. That means as a society we are needing more and more violence to satisfy our appetites. Can't you see what an addiction it has become?
"But I really like all the cool forensic science stuff on T.V., it can't be all that bad."
We all know T.V. crime scene dramas only show the "cool" part of the crime. But, what about the wretchedness that is the reality for actual crime victims?
How much agony do parents of kidnapped children go through as they wait day after day, sitting by the phone, clinging to hope that somehow their baby is still alive and they will get to hold them again? What about the victims of rape? Where is their consolidation? Does catching the rapist heal them? How often does that actually happen? Every drama ends so neatly, but is that a reality for most rape victims? How many nights do they lay awake, afraid to sleep because of the nightmares that won't go away?
Friends, I am pleading with you. Think about what you are doing. There is so much untold suffering in this world, the least we can do is not exploit it for entertainment.
Our lives here in America our so...sanitary. Most of us will never have to experience what is the daily reality for so many people. We will never go hungry, never have to worry about soldiers invading our home. We are one of the wealthiest, most privileged nations to ever exist in human history.
Or maybe you are the victim of violence. For that, whatever your circumstances, I am deeply sorry.
"Okay, so I won't consume media that has violence in it any more, will that satisfy you?"
It is not enough to simply avoid doing bad things, we must begin to replace our wrongdoing with righteousness.
"Therefore, putting away lying, “ Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:25-32
As Americans, there is so much we can do without ever even leaving the comfort of our homes. We don't have to be the leader of a huge charity to make an impact, we don't have to sell everything we own and move to Africa to work with orphans (though those are noble things). We grossly underestimate the impact of living simply.
It's nice when we can do big things to help people, huge fund-raising projects, awareness campaigns, things that everybody notices. But, how much more of challenge is it to do the little things that that nobody notices? Denying yourself daily is the key.
This is what I have realized. I do not know what God has planned for my life. What I will do after I graduate, I haven't the faintest idea. But, this I do know. TODAY, I will do my best to be faithful in the little things. It starts with today, God has called me to be faithful today. Not tomorrow, not when I'm old and I'm done having fun. God calls for obedience today.
Luke 16:10
"He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in what is another man’s, who will give you what is your own? “No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.”
If you're honest in small things,
you'll be honest in big things;
If you're a crook in small things,
you'll be a crook in big things.
If you're not honest in small jobs,
who will put you in charge of the store?
No worker can serve two bosses:
He'll either hate the first and love the second
Or adore the first and despise the second.
You can't serve both God and the Bank.
And as paraphrased by The Message:
10-13Jesus went on to make these comments:If you're honest in small things,
you'll be honest in big things;
If you're a crook in small things,
you'll be a crook in big things.
If you're not honest in small jobs,
who will put you in charge of the store?
No worker can serve two bosses:
He'll either hate the first and love the second
Or adore the first and despise the second.
You can't serve both God and the Bank.
There seems to be a disconnect in our thinking. We see evil on a national scale and don't understand that its just a magnification of the evil that we do.
Environmental issues? Magnification of the fact that sometimes I don't take the extra step to recycle.
Human rights issues? Magnification of my own selfishness.
Animal rights issues? Magnification of the fact that sometimes I get to busy to pay attention to my dog.
I don't want to live my life ignoring the poor and the destitute.
Let us rise up as a generation and plead the cause of the broken, the poor and the destitute to the ends of the earth.
Ezekiel 16:49-50 (NKJV)
"Look, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: She and her daughter had pride, fullness of food, and abundance of idleness; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. 50 And they were haughty and committed abomination before Me; therefore I took them away as I saw fit."
and as paraphrased by The Message:"The sin of your sister Sodom was this: She lived with her daughters in the lap of luxury—proud, gluttonous, and lazy. They ignored the oppressed and the poor. They put on airs and lived obscene lives. And you know what happened: I did away with them."
Friday, May 7, 2010
Back in G-land
I'm back at my house, for what may be one of the last times. I will be here for three weeks before heading up to Tennessee for Smoky Mounatin Summer, Summer Training Program (SMS STP) with the Navigators.
I was going to write about how I've been home less then 12 hours, and I'm already lonely. But, as awake as I am right now, I don't feel like whinning. Transitioning back into family life is difficult. But, I need to grow up and deal with it.
I was going to write about how I've been home less then 12 hours, and I'm already lonely. But, as awake as I am right now, I don't feel like whinning. Transitioning back into family life is difficult. But, I need to grow up and deal with it.
Monday, May 3, 2010
God's Love letter to me
So I've been thinking a lot lately about God's love. To be frank and honest, sometimes I don't understand that he loves me. I understand from a theological, theoretical perspective, sort of, you know, God has to love us because yada, yada, yada... But feeling it, that's another thing. So I imagined exactly what it would like if God wrote me a love letter
Dearest Sarah Jo,
I have been absolutely fascinated with you since the day you were born. I waited and planned for you since the beginning of time. You don't see it now, but you were born at exactly the perfect time, for such a time as this, to give you the most fulfilling, abundant life possible. Darling child, you are so precious to me. I crafted you in secret, molded you down to the last freckle. I cheered when you took your first step, laughed when you made your first friend, and I cried with you when Draper broke your heart.
When you grew older and you were far from me, I never stopped calling for you, never stopped caring for, never stopped protecting you. Even when your back was towards me, when you pushed me away, when you spit on me, I loved you still. When you finally heard my call and came home, I came running to you when you were still a far way off. I know everything about you. I know the secrets you try to hide from your past, I know you way down deep. But guess what? Not only do I love you, I like you! I like you so much, I gave you eyes to see the sunset so I could woo you every evening
You are so passionate, I love that about you (I made that, for a reason, don't you know). You are such a delight to me. Not because you've done anything, not because you haven't done something, not because you're going to do something, but because I choose to. I AM, and that's just the way it is.
I know sometimes you feel like you're an embarrassment to me. But, the beauty of Calvary is, when I look at you, I see Jesus. I see who you really are, I see who I created you to be. One day you'll see it too. Untill that day, just trust me. Remember that things work out for YOUR good Sarah-bara. I AM with you always
Dearest Sarah Jo,
I have been absolutely fascinated with you since the day you were born. I waited and planned for you since the beginning of time. You don't see it now, but you were born at exactly the perfect time, for such a time as this, to give you the most fulfilling, abundant life possible. Darling child, you are so precious to me. I crafted you in secret, molded you down to the last freckle. I cheered when you took your first step, laughed when you made your first friend, and I cried with you when Draper broke your heart.
When you grew older and you were far from me, I never stopped calling for you, never stopped caring for, never stopped protecting you. Even when your back was towards me, when you pushed me away, when you spit on me, I loved you still. When you finally heard my call and came home, I came running to you when you were still a far way off. I know everything about you. I know the secrets you try to hide from your past, I know you way down deep. But guess what? Not only do I love you, I like you! I like you so much, I gave you eyes to see the sunset so I could woo you every evening
You are so passionate, I love that about you (I made that, for a reason, don't you know). You are such a delight to me. Not because you've done anything, not because you haven't done something, not because you're going to do something, but because I choose to. I AM, and that's just the way it is.
I know sometimes you feel like you're an embarrassment to me. But, the beauty of Calvary is, when I look at you, I see Jesus. I see who you really are, I see who I created you to be. One day you'll see it too. Untill that day, just trust me. Remember that things work out for YOUR good Sarah-bara. I AM with you always
With everlasting Love,
God
God
"How precious are your thought to me, O God, How great is the sum of them."
"If I should count them they would be more in number then the sand"
"When I am awake I am still with you"
Psalm 139
"If I should count them they would be more in number then the sand"
"When I am awake I am still with you"
Psalm 139
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Humility
Humility has been the theme of this year so far, specifically my lack of it. The bible says that God HATES pride (proverbs 6:16, 11:2). Every day it seems like I get knocked down from another pedestal. You'd think i'd learn the first time, but no, not me, I'm a slow learner. In fact, it wouldn't be that far from the the truth to say that I have a mountain of pedestals, a staircase of arrogance leading up to the golden image I've created of myself.
I like to play pretend that I'm this mature, spiritual adult who really has this whole Jesus thing figured out. But, that's a lie (interesting enough, though I can't really manage to lie very well to others, I sure can lie to myself most effectively). But, I'm a baby, I'm still drinking out of a bottle for goodness sakes. I know nothing. I used to sit in church and listen to people speak and pat myself on the back for my understanding of the scriptures, for how much historical background and facts I knew. Now I struggle to comprehend even the most basic of Christian life principals. I can say that I know things, but my actions revel just how ignorant I really am.
"You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." Revelation 3:17
I am sorry that a lot of the time I treat conversations like a battle to win. I concentrate more on being right, then on truly listening to you, more on proving my point, then on getting to know and love you.
I like to play pretend that I'm this mature, spiritual adult who really has this whole Jesus thing figured out. But, that's a lie (interesting enough, though I can't really manage to lie very well to others, I sure can lie to myself most effectively). But, I'm a baby, I'm still drinking out of a bottle for goodness sakes. I know nothing. I used to sit in church and listen to people speak and pat myself on the back for my understanding of the scriptures, for how much historical background and facts I knew. Now I struggle to comprehend even the most basic of Christian life principals. I can say that I know things, but my actions revel just how ignorant I really am.
"You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." Revelation 3:17
So I have an apology to make
To everyone who has had to deal with the brunt of my arrogance
To everyone who has had to deal with the brunt of my arrogance
I am sorry
I am sorry that a lot of the time I treat conversations like a battle to win. I concentrate more on being right, then on truly listening to you, more on proving my point, then on getting to know and love you.
I am sorry that more often then not I am quick to point out exactly how you are wrong before I even listen to what you have to say.
I have taken a faith that is rich and life-giving, a truth that can make you whole and bastardized it. I've turned the message of hope that is Jesus Christ into a narrow list of Do's and Don'ts, that excludes out of self-righteousness rather then includes out of love. I have cheapened the Gospel.
I am sorry for my lack of listening. I know I've hurt people, and I regret it.
I apologize for the way my pride, arrogance and self-righteousness has made me blind to the needs of others.
I made the mistake of thinking that my foremost responsibility in life is to convince you that my view point is right. But, this a lie born of foolishness and pride.
I am a pharisee, I have strained out a gnat and swallowed a camel.
I am now aware that the message of Christ is one of love and hope, not morality and self-righteousness.
I have exchanged the truth for a lie.
I will do this no more.
I will do this no more.
For all of this I am truly, truly sorry
Having come to the realization that I have been a pharisee, I was greatly disturbed. The only people Christ ever condemned were the pharisees, the only people he ever got mad and yelled at. Over and over, he specifically warns us that we are not to judge, that only God has the righteousness to Judge. He warns us that by whatever measure we judge, we will also be judged (Matthew 7:1).
As I was meditating on all that God had shown me about my sin. I thought "will God forgive me for all of this? Can he forgive me for all of this?" I almost laughed at myself, because I remember growing up in church and hearing people ask that same question. I remember thinking that they were stupid for even feeling that way. But today, I empathized. I understand now how one can feel unforgivable. I felt that way today. I understand how one can feel like they've finally gone to far. I felt that way today.
BUT!!! This is the gospel, right here! This is the key. It's not about our righteousness, our deeds (or misdeeds) or anything we do. It's about Christ work at Calvary, it's about his righteousness!
That's the beauty of it, the mystery that I often overlook. God chose me, before I had done anything and he has still chosen me after everything that I've done.
I recently heard a message on the prodigal son. In the past I've always aligned myself with the older brother. I totally understood his anger. Why should God forgive his lazy spoiled younger brother? You could have called me Jonah, angry at God for being merciful and kind.
But, now I see that I am the prodigal son. I have squandered my inheritance on wicked things. I have lost everything because of my sin. I have been so hungry that I have eaten the rotting flesh of this world.
When the prodigal son came home, his father ran to him when he was a far way off. He didn't wait for him to finish dragging himself to the door, he didn't wait for him to take a shower and get clean enough to be presentable, he didn't wait for him to grovel and his feet.
He ran out to meet him!!!
As I was meditating on all that God had shown me about my sin. I thought "will God forgive me for all of this? Can he forgive me for all of this?" I almost laughed at myself, because I remember growing up in church and hearing people ask that same question. I remember thinking that they were stupid for even feeling that way. But today, I empathized. I understand now how one can feel unforgivable. I felt that way today. I understand how one can feel like they've finally gone to far. I felt that way today.
BUT!!! This is the gospel, right here! This is the key. It's not about our righteousness, our deeds (or misdeeds) or anything we do. It's about Christ work at Calvary, it's about his righteousness!
That's the beauty of it, the mystery that I often overlook. God chose me, before I had done anything and he has still chosen me after everything that I've done.
I recently heard a message on the prodigal son. In the past I've always aligned myself with the older brother. I totally understood his anger. Why should God forgive his lazy spoiled younger brother? You could have called me Jonah, angry at God for being merciful and kind.
But, now I see that I am the prodigal son. I have squandered my inheritance on wicked things. I have lost everything because of my sin. I have been so hungry that I have eaten the rotting flesh of this world.
When the prodigal son came home, his father ran to him when he was a far way off. He didn't wait for him to finish dragging himself to the door, he didn't wait for him to take a shower and get clean enough to be presentable, he didn't wait for him to grovel and his feet.
He ran out to meet him!!!
God came running to me when I was yet a far way off, when I was still covered in the grime of my sin.
The father gave his son his best robe, his signet ring (the ring signified that the son had the authority that the father did as the owner of the estate), he slaughtered the fattened calf (the most expensive animal).
'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'
I am alive in Christ. Praise the Lord
The father gave his son his best robe, his signet ring (the ring signified that the son had the authority that the father did as the owner of the estate), he slaughtered the fattened calf (the most expensive animal).
'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'
– (Luke 15:31-32, NIV)
I am alive in Christ. Praise the Lord
"Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!" Revelation 5:12
Monday, February 22, 2010
Things you never know about yourself
It's funny, how you think you know yourself, then one day you realize that you have a lot of misconceptions about the kind of person you are, in fact you're just plain wrong on a couple of things.
This has been happening to me fairly regularly as of late (I think that's a part of growing up, I don't know, 'cause I've never grown up before lol). One of the things I've realized about myself recently is that I'm pretty high strung. I always figure I was a pretty relaxed person, you know a free spirit. But, no I'm not, I'm a rule follower and moderately conformist, I don't like to make waves (to bad my beliefs create a tidal wave every time I open my mouth). I'm also really passionate, when I care about something, I care.
The other thing I realized is that I'm passionately pro-life. The had a display today down by the marshal center from a pro-life group. I realized how much I care about the atrocity that abortion is. All things aside, no matter what your excuse is for why you think abortion should be legal, it comes down to "is it wrong to take another human beings life?" if you answer yes then "when is a human, a human?" I choose to believe that what makes a human being human is the fact that they have DNA distinctly different from any other person (except in the cases of twins, which is the one exception, they're still humans duh) that can never be replicated ever again. There will never be another you, each person is unique. A unique set of DNA is created at conception, this is why life begins at conception.
I am pro-life. I think each person is a unique individual created by God, given life by God and we have no right to take it away.
*note, I also believe that using contraception is wrong, but I'll probably getting around to talking about that later.
This has been happening to me fairly regularly as of late (I think that's a part of growing up, I don't know, 'cause I've never grown up before lol). One of the things I've realized about myself recently is that I'm pretty high strung. I always figure I was a pretty relaxed person, you know a free spirit. But, no I'm not, I'm a rule follower and moderately conformist, I don't like to make waves (to bad my beliefs create a tidal wave every time I open my mouth). I'm also really passionate, when I care about something, I care.
The other thing I realized is that I'm passionately pro-life. The had a display today down by the marshal center from a pro-life group. I realized how much I care about the atrocity that abortion is. All things aside, no matter what your excuse is for why you think abortion should be legal, it comes down to "is it wrong to take another human beings life?" if you answer yes then "when is a human, a human?" I choose to believe that what makes a human being human is the fact that they have DNA distinctly different from any other person (except in the cases of twins, which is the one exception, they're still humans duh) that can never be replicated ever again. There will never be another you, each person is unique. A unique set of DNA is created at conception, this is why life begins at conception.
I am pro-life. I think each person is a unique individual created by God, given life by God and we have no right to take it away.
*note, I also believe that using contraception is wrong, but I'll probably getting around to talking about that later.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Grace
Grace is a God thing my friends. It is beautiful, mysterious and wonderful.
If you know me, you know that I'm pretty intense sometimes (well most of the time)
When someone gives you grace, its like a burden has been lifted off your shoulders. Then you can give yourself grace and remember that the Lord remembers your frame, he know what you are human (Psalm 103)
If you know me, you know that I'm pretty intense sometimes (well most of the time)
When someone gives you grace, its like a burden has been lifted off your shoulders. Then you can give yourself grace and remember that the Lord remembers your frame, he know what you are human (Psalm 103)
Monday, February 8, 2010
Birthday
Well today I am a whole 'nother year older. I have officially occupied this earth for a full 19 years. It's amazing how fast time flies (I know, I know it's cliche, but that doesn't mean it's not also true).
As birthday's go this was a rather nice one. It was beautiful weather for February outside. I had breakfast with my friend Crystal, lunch with my friend Jenn and dinner with just about everybody I could manage to round up. I also got to skype with my friend who is studying abroad in Japan, that is always a blessing. On top of that, my parents came over yesterday and took me out for lunch. It was good to talk to them and spend time with them. I love both of them so much.
I am so richly blessed with friends and family. I honestly feel like a rich women when I am around them. Never in a million years did I ever consider that I would be so blessed.
Birthdays always make me think about things. Like what I've done, where I'm going, who I am, who I'm going to be be etc.
I had a fairly eventful 19th year. I graduated from high school, gave my life to christ, flew to California for a week to visit my brother, taught swimming for 14 weeks straight, went on my first backpacking trip, moved to Tampa, started college, made tons of friends, joined the navigators, went to a football game, learned how to long board, learned how to swing dance, won free boba three times!, managed to pull through with straight A's, spent four weeks with the family, went on a daniel's fast for forty days, came back to college, made more friends, had more fun...
I've changed and grown in more ways then I can imagine. I guess that's what supposed to happen? Who knows, honestly?
I guess I'm still figuring out this whole adult thing. Which is slightly ridiculous, considering I've been a legal adult for a year now. Well, everything in God's timing I suppose...
Mostly, I've been learning to lean on God and trust him completely. It's been an adventure to say the least. I have a terrible tendency of clinging tightly to my plans and the false sense of security they bring. God decided to remove that from my character recently and believe me, my stubbornness made it less then fun.
I had been really set on going to a Navigator STP (summer training program), I had talked with people, prayed about it and even filled out the application. But unbeknown to me, my family has been planning to take a three week road trip to California and back this summer. So that's just one of those family activities you just don't miss, if you know what I mean. At first I was really upset, "my" family was intervening on "my" plans. This is a very bad attitude to have, in case you're wondering. So I was filled with anxiety all week long. Until I went for a long run and finally told God "you know what, fine, it's not my summer, it's not my time, it's not my life, it's not my decision, if you want me to chill with my family all summer long, fine, i'll do what you want." Now, if only I can learn to say that right away with a willing and submissive heart. One step at a time I guess...
So here I am, I'm not sure what I'm doing this summer, I'm not sure where I'm living next year (I applied to be an RA and I don't find out for a couple of weeks), I don't know where I'm going after graduation, in fact I don't know much of anything about anything past the end of this week.
It used to really bother me when I didn't have a plan. I was the girl with a plan (and an opinion, but that's another topic for later discussion), I took great pride in my ability to plan and control my life. Which come to think of it is probably why that part of me had to go. Never could manage to make pride and God fit in my heart, go figure.
Here I am world, broken in Christ arms, ready to love like crazy.
As birthday's go this was a rather nice one. It was beautiful weather for February outside. I had breakfast with my friend Crystal, lunch with my friend Jenn and dinner with just about everybody I could manage to round up. I also got to skype with my friend who is studying abroad in Japan, that is always a blessing. On top of that, my parents came over yesterday and took me out for lunch. It was good to talk to them and spend time with them. I love both of them so much.
I am so richly blessed with friends and family. I honestly feel like a rich women when I am around them. Never in a million years did I ever consider that I would be so blessed.
Birthdays always make me think about things. Like what I've done, where I'm going, who I am, who I'm going to be be etc.
I had a fairly eventful 19th year. I graduated from high school, gave my life to christ, flew to California for a week to visit my brother, taught swimming for 14 weeks straight, went on my first backpacking trip, moved to Tampa, started college, made tons of friends, joined the navigators, went to a football game, learned how to long board, learned how to swing dance, won free boba three times!, managed to pull through with straight A's, spent four weeks with the family, went on a daniel's fast for forty days, came back to college, made more friends, had more fun...
I've changed and grown in more ways then I can imagine. I guess that's what supposed to happen? Who knows, honestly?
I guess I'm still figuring out this whole adult thing. Which is slightly ridiculous, considering I've been a legal adult for a year now. Well, everything in God's timing I suppose...
Mostly, I've been learning to lean on God and trust him completely. It's been an adventure to say the least. I have a terrible tendency of clinging tightly to my plans and the false sense of security they bring. God decided to remove that from my character recently and believe me, my stubbornness made it less then fun.
I had been really set on going to a Navigator STP (summer training program), I had talked with people, prayed about it and even filled out the application. But unbeknown to me, my family has been planning to take a three week road trip to California and back this summer. So that's just one of those family activities you just don't miss, if you know what I mean. At first I was really upset, "my" family was intervening on "my" plans. This is a very bad attitude to have, in case you're wondering. So I was filled with anxiety all week long. Until I went for a long run and finally told God "you know what, fine, it's not my summer, it's not my time, it's not my life, it's not my decision, if you want me to chill with my family all summer long, fine, i'll do what you want." Now, if only I can learn to say that right away with a willing and submissive heart. One step at a time I guess...
So here I am, I'm not sure what I'm doing this summer, I'm not sure where I'm living next year (I applied to be an RA and I don't find out for a couple of weeks), I don't know where I'm going after graduation, in fact I don't know much of anything about anything past the end of this week.
It used to really bother me when I didn't have a plan. I was the girl with a plan (and an opinion, but that's another topic for later discussion), I took great pride in my ability to plan and control my life. Which come to think of it is probably why that part of me had to go. Never could manage to make pride and God fit in my heart, go figure.
Here I am world, broken in Christ arms, ready to love like crazy.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
X-TAWG
This morning I attended my first X-TAWG which is Navigator jargon for extended time alone with God. Basically, you spend a Saturday morning chilling with the creator of the universe. Sounds cool right? I didn't have a lot of expectations going in (so what exactly am I supposed to do with 3 hours, really?). However, despite this, I ended up having a great time. The hours literally flew by, I could have gone on for the rest of the day honestly. When we were praying as a group to wrap things up I was honestly saddened that it was over. I wanted to go back to being with God.
I learned a lot in just a few sweet, precious hours. I started out just journaling about something that had been making me sad lately. The funny thing that I've realized recently is that, for some reason or another, I have a pretty hard time approaching God when I'm upset (sad, angry, lonely, etc.). My general response when something upsets me is to retreat inside myself until I have a handle on my emotions. I'm perfectly okay with letting God know how happy I am about something, but when something bothers me I don't want to talk about it. It was hard to sort through all that but then I started reading in the Psalms. Another funny thing, is I've never really had a hard time relating to the God described in the Old Testament but a much harder time understanding the grace of Jesus Christ (I think most people are the other way around?)
I learned a lot in just a few sweet, precious hours. I started out just journaling about something that had been making me sad lately. The funny thing that I've realized recently is that, for some reason or another, I have a pretty hard time approaching God when I'm upset (sad, angry, lonely, etc.). My general response when something upsets me is to retreat inside myself until I have a handle on my emotions. I'm perfectly okay with letting God know how happy I am about something, but when something bothers me I don't want to talk about it. It was hard to sort through all that but then I started reading in the Psalms. Another funny thing, is I've never really had a hard time relating to the God described in the Old Testament but a much harder time understanding the grace of Jesus Christ (I think most people are the other way around?)
So when I started reading Psalm 139, 103 and 104, I was moved to tears. God loves me in all my brokenness, with all my emotional baggage. There was a moment when I was sitting outside the marshal center in the amphitheater, it was warm and a gentle breeze was flowing, there was no one around and God really spoke to me and he said loud and clear "I am with you".
Psalm 103
A Psalm of David.
1 Bless the LORD, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
(I love verses 3 -5. God does so much for me)
6 The LORD executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.
(God cares for the downtrodden and he will bring about justice for them)
7 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel.
8 The LORD is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
9 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.
(I think this amazing. I used to feel like God was out to punish me, that he was like one of those people who would kick you when you're down. But, I've discovered the truth, a lot of the time God protects us from the really consequences of our sins, simply because he loves us. He does this daily and he did it ultimately when he crushed his son for our sins. How wonderful is that?)
11 For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
(We don't have to carry to burden of our guilt anymore! We're free, We are free! All the pain, guilt and shame have been taken off of us. How beautiful is that?)
13 As a father pities his children,
So the LORD pities those who fear Him.
14 For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.
(he know that we're human, that we're going to make mistakes, but he is patient and waits for us with open arms)
15 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16 For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.a]">[a]
17 But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
18 To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.
19 The LORD has established His throne in heaven,
And His kingdom rules over all.
20 Bless the LORD, you His angels,
Who excel in strength, who do His word,
Heeding the voice of His word.
21 Bless the LORD, all you His hosts,
You ministers of His, who do His pleasure.
22 Bless the LORD, all His works,
In all places of His dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
(I love verses 3 -5. God does so much for me)
6 The LORD executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.
(God cares for the downtrodden and he will bring about justice for them)
7 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel.
8 The LORD is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
9 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.
(I think this amazing. I used to feel like God was out to punish me, that he was like one of those people who would kick you when you're down. But, I've discovered the truth, a lot of the time God protects us from the really consequences of our sins, simply because he loves us. He does this daily and he did it ultimately when he crushed his son for our sins. How wonderful is that?)
11 For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
(We don't have to carry to burden of our guilt anymore! We're free, We are free! All the pain, guilt and shame have been taken off of us. How beautiful is that?)
13 As a father pities his children,
So the LORD pities those who fear Him.
14 For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.
(he know that we're human, that we're going to make mistakes, but he is patient and waits for us with open arms)
15 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16 For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.a]">[a]
17 But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
18 To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.
19 The LORD has established His throne in heaven,
And His kingdom rules over all.
20 Bless the LORD, you His angels,
Who excel in strength, who do His word,
Heeding the voice of His word.
21 Bless the LORD, all you His hosts,
You ministers of His, who do His pleasure.
22 Bless the LORD, all His works,
In all places of His dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
New Beginings
So I'm already into the second week of my second semester as a college student. My how time flies.
I can't believe the way things are changing. It's like my life's been turned on its head. Things I used to care about, hardly seem mentioning any more. I've really settled into this whole college thing. I feel like I'm starting to get things figured out.
I can't believe the way things are changing. It's like my life's been turned on its head. Things I used to care about, hardly seem mentioning any more. I've really settled into this whole college thing. I feel like I'm starting to get things figured out.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Look out USF, momma Sarah has arrived...
Well I've been at USF for six full days now. I mean full days. Gods got my wheels turning and I'm ready to go!
If you ever heard me talk about relationships you know that it's something I've struggled with. I grew up a tom boy. I spent most of my time hanging around guys and thinking that most girls were nasty and not worth knowing. Friendship wise, I was way off balance. I also had several very unhealthy dating relationships with guys during my high school years.
When I got to college, I had only been a Christian for a couple of months. I sort of new that I was supposed to spend time with girls, but I knew how to be friends with guys and I knew how to relate to them, so at the beginning of last semester I ended up (surprisingly) with a lot of guy friends and only a couple of girl friends.
God's been really working on my heart and I'm real excited about all the new girlfriends I've made over the past semester. so well see how it goes
If you ever heard me talk about relationships you know that it's something I've struggled with. I grew up a tom boy. I spent most of my time hanging around guys and thinking that most girls were nasty and not worth knowing. Friendship wise, I was way off balance. I also had several very unhealthy dating relationships with guys during my high school years.
When I got to college, I had only been a Christian for a couple of months. I sort of new that I was supposed to spend time with girls, but I knew how to be friends with guys and I knew how to relate to them, so at the beginning of last semester I ended up (surprisingly) with a lot of guy friends and only a couple of girl friends.
God's been really working on my heart and I'm real excited about all the new girlfriends I've made over the past semester. so well see how it goes
Friday, January 8, 2010
Thank you Google
So I almost had a really bad day, but then I didn't (how juvenile do I sound? lol)
In preparing for the new semester today I was organizing everything on my computer I came to realize that I had two Google accounts, one attached to my original email (that I had created to use Google calendar) and one from the G-mail account USF gives us. So I decided to delete my old google acount because I hardly ever used it anyway and create a calendar attached to my USF email, for the sake of being streamlined and efficient. So I did that.
But low and behold, blogger is hosted by Google! I was not aware of this. Which might point to my lack of technical finesse or to my general airheadedness, you decide. haha...
So when I tried to access my blog to find it gone, I panicked! I spent about an hour trying to find the answer. I ended up Googling it actually, which is insanely ironic. But anywho, Google has step by step instructions just for people like me! So I got my account back, much to my relief.
But, in all the insanity and panic something became remarkably clear. I'm self-centered to the point of ridiculousness. I get more upset at the thought of my little scraps of writing being lost to cyberspace then about people going to hell. Even this little confession is self-centered. "oh look, how humble and Godly I am" it practically screams. Even my confessions about my confession is self-centered.
I can't escape myself.
"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal sold under sin. For what I am doing I do not understand. What I will to do, that I do not practice. But, what I hate, that I do."
But, thanks be to God that I don't have to. The greatest mystery that has been revealed to me over this Christmas break is that while I keep on sinning, God keeps on winning. I'm tottally sucking as a christian right now, but God is still using me. That doesn't make any sense in terms of human logic. Think about it! If you were an employer and you had an employee that stole from you, wasted your time, talked about you behind you back and was completely incompetent, would you make her a manager? No, you'd fire her. But, God isn't going to fire me! Instead, he has raised me up to be a saint and to do greater things for him then I ever imagined possible.
Paul said in Ephesians that by accepting Christ we are free from our sins, no longer are we slaves, no longer are we bound for death.
In preparing for the new semester today I was organizing everything on my computer I came to realize that I had two Google accounts, one attached to my original email (that I had created to use Google calendar) and one from the G-mail account USF gives us. So I decided to delete my old google acount because I hardly ever used it anyway and create a calendar attached to my USF email, for the sake of being streamlined and efficient. So I did that.
But low and behold, blogger is hosted by Google! I was not aware of this. Which might point to my lack of technical finesse or to my general airheadedness, you decide. haha...
So when I tried to access my blog to find it gone, I panicked! I spent about an hour trying to find the answer. I ended up Googling it actually, which is insanely ironic. But anywho, Google has step by step instructions just for people like me! So I got my account back, much to my relief.
But, in all the insanity and panic something became remarkably clear. I'm self-centered to the point of ridiculousness. I get more upset at the thought of my little scraps of writing being lost to cyberspace then about people going to hell. Even this little confession is self-centered. "oh look, how humble and Godly I am" it practically screams. Even my confessions about my confession is self-centered.
I can't escape myself.
"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal sold under sin. For what I am doing I do not understand. What I will to do, that I do not practice. But, what I hate, that I do."
-Romans 7:14
But, thanks be to God that I don't have to. The greatest mystery that has been revealed to me over this Christmas break is that while I keep on sinning, God keeps on winning. I'm tottally sucking as a christian right now, but God is still using me. That doesn't make any sense in terms of human logic. Think about it! If you were an employer and you had an employee that stole from you, wasted your time, talked about you behind you back and was completely incompetent, would you make her a manager? No, you'd fire her. But, God isn't going to fire me! Instead, he has raised me up to be a saint and to do greater things for him then I ever imagined possible.
Paul said in Ephesians that by accepting Christ we are free from our sins, no longer are we slaves, no longer are we bound for death.
"And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, 2 in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, 3 among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. 4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:1-10
He also said in Romans that salvation is not through our on power. It's sobering to think that its impossible for us to become holy through our own power, but on the flip side how relieving it is to realize that we don't have to! Christ work is already accomplished, God's perfect plan of redemption is finished! "6 For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. 10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. 11 And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation."
-Romans 5:6-10
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Can All The Women of God Please Stand Up?
Alright all you women of God out there, I'm talking to you tonight...
If you've spent any significant amount of time around me you know one of the topics that I spend a lot of time thinking (and reading, researching, learning and talking) about are my roles and responsibilities as a women of God.
I don't know if you've noticed it but there's a whole lot of people out there telling us how we should be living our life, and a lot of the time they don't agree. I got my friends telling me to do one thing, my parents telling me to do another, the media telling me I should be acting one way and the bible telling me to act another. Even theologians disagree in regards to what the bibles says are appropriate roles for christian women to fill.
What am I supposed to do? What is any God-fearing christian women supposed to do?
Am I here to glorify myself? To be constantly perfecting my body with the newest diet, the latest exercise plan, the most expensive makeup and surgical procedures? Am I just here to do what I want, for my own purposes, to fuel my own self-absorption?
Am I here to have a "successful" career? If I become the CEO of some fortune 500 company, where everybody respects my authority and buisness finesse will I be a women then? Or should I get my Phd and become the president of a college? If I become an "empowered" and independent women who needs no one, will I be satisfied?
Am I just here to marry some nice Christian guy, settle down and have babies? Is my future one of constant puttering away of time, of church bake sales, of gossipy dissatisfaction, constantly running after some child with a dirty diaper?
If you've spent any significant amount of time around me you know one of the topics that I spend a lot of time thinking (and reading, researching, learning and talking) about are my roles and responsibilities as a women of God.
I don't know if you've noticed it but there's a whole lot of people out there telling us how we should be living our life, and a lot of the time they don't agree. I got my friends telling me to do one thing, my parents telling me to do another, the media telling me I should be acting one way and the bible telling me to act another. Even theologians disagree in regards to what the bibles says are appropriate roles for christian women to fill.
What am I supposed to do? What is any God-fearing christian women supposed to do?
Am I here to glorify myself? To be constantly perfecting my body with the newest diet, the latest exercise plan, the most expensive makeup and surgical procedures? Am I just here to do what I want, for my own purposes, to fuel my own self-absorption?
Am I here to have a "successful" career? If I become the CEO of some fortune 500 company, where everybody respects my authority and buisness finesse will I be a women then? Or should I get my Phd and become the president of a college? If I become an "empowered" and independent women who needs no one, will I be satisfied?
Am I just here to marry some nice Christian guy, settle down and have babies? Is my future one of constant puttering away of time, of church bake sales, of gossipy dissatisfaction, constantly running after some child with a dirty diaper?
Am I worth only the services I can provide?
*(I would like to note that I don't think there is a single thing wrong with having a career or with being a homemaker. Both are vital roles in the body of Christ. However, I think it's important that we as women choose our path as a result of God's calling, not because we feel like we "have" to)
That's the lie the devil would have us believe that our lives are to be constantly defined by some person's evaluation of us, that our time is best spent doing what someone else thinks we should be doing.
What matters is: Are we living our lives on a day to day basis in the pursuit of God? Are we constantly seeking his face and his will for our lives? Do we do all things as if we were doing them for Christ? Who is the center of our world, us or Christ?
I've got so many voices telling me what to do it's hard to hear God in all the racket. I want to live for Christ so radically that when people look at my life they shake their heads and say "If Jesus isn't the son of God, she has wasted her life."
"If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men."
I get so discouraged by all the disagreements among Christians. When should a women speak, when should she be silent? What is submission? If I remain single, what am I going to do with my life?
I'm starting to think that most people think being a Christian women means being a quiet, passive, timid people-pleaser!
The sad thing is that I'm starting to think the Christian men think the same thing about us. If you've been around church people for more then a couple of weeks you've probably heard someone mention going on or knowing someone who went on a short term mission trip. They probably made a comment somewhere along these lines.
"and oh what a sacrifice those women made, no makeup or blow dryers for two weeks!"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Are you serious? Am I supposed to be so shallow and self-centered that going without the tools that empower my vanity is a sacrifice?
I don't know whether to be infuriated or saddened at the low expectations that exists out there for the average Christian women in regards to expanding the kingdom of God.
Oh, there's expectations out there all right.
I know exactly what I'm supposed to look like, I know exactly what kind of career I'm supposed to pursue, I know exactly what kind of man I'm supposed to marry and exactly what kind of children I'm supposed to produce.
I'm here to let the world know that there are Christian women out there who are fighting the world's stereotypes and expectations for their lives. I'm here to let the world know that Christ is alive. I challenge you to stop defining yourself by the standards of the world, and start seeing yourself as an ambassador for Christ, justified through grace and ready to take the good news of Jesus Christ to the world.
"Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For he made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God in him."
I will live for Christ.
If he gives me a husband, then I will live submission to the very letter of the Word of God
and as long as he keeps me single then I will have pure relationships with all my brothers-in-Christ.
What matters is: Are we living our lives on a day to day basis in the pursuit of God? Are we constantly seeking his face and his will for our lives? Do we do all things as if we were doing them for Christ? Who is the center of our world, us or Christ?
I've got so many voices telling me what to do it's hard to hear God in all the racket. I want to live for Christ so radically that when people look at my life they shake their heads and say "If Jesus isn't the son of God, she has wasted her life."
"If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men."
- 1 Corinthians 15:19
I get so discouraged by all the disagreements among Christians. When should a women speak, when should she be silent? What is submission? If I remain single, what am I going to do with my life?
I'm starting to think that most people think being a Christian women means being a quiet, passive, timid people-pleaser!
The sad thing is that I'm starting to think the Christian men think the same thing about us. If you've been around church people for more then a couple of weeks you've probably heard someone mention going on or knowing someone who went on a short term mission trip. They probably made a comment somewhere along these lines.
"and oh what a sacrifice those women made, no makeup or blow dryers for two weeks!"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Are you serious? Am I supposed to be so shallow and self-centered that going without the tools that empower my vanity is a sacrifice?
I don't know whether to be infuriated or saddened at the low expectations that exists out there for the average Christian women in regards to expanding the kingdom of God.
Oh, there's expectations out there all right.
I know exactly what I'm supposed to look like, I know exactly what kind of career I'm supposed to pursue, I know exactly what kind of man I'm supposed to marry and exactly what kind of children I'm supposed to produce.
But, what I want to know is how am I going to advance the kingdom of God!
The silence is deafening
I'm here to let the world know that there are Christian women out there who are fighting the world's stereotypes and expectations for their lives. I'm here to let the world know that Christ is alive. I challenge you to stop defining yourself by the standards of the world, and start seeing yourself as an ambassador for Christ, justified through grace and ready to take the good news of Jesus Christ to the world.
"Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For he made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God in him."
-2 Corinthians 5:20-21
I will live for Christ.
If he gives me a husband, then I will live submission to the very letter of the Word of God
and as long as he keeps me single then I will have pure relationships with all my brothers-in-Christ.
"For I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith is the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. For I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain"
-Galatians 2:20-21
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Don't waste your life
So this is my second post of the day, which is a first for me. But, this song moved me in such a way I thought it merited attention.
All of us out there are looking for purpose. We're looking for something to define us, to fulfill us, to give us something to go after. We long for something to make us great, to rescue us, to make our lives matter. Every magazine cover and every book on the self-help shelf promises that if we just buy this, or do this diet or look this way or think that way then we will be happy. But, it's not working!
What am I here for?
Where can I find fulfillment?
Where can I find rest?
But, honestly what am I saying that hasn't been said before, and said better!
Luke 12:15-21
"And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” 16Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. 17 And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ 18 So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.”’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’ 21 “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RWEllqh5J0
[Verse 1: LeCrae]
I know a lot of people out there scared they gone die
couple of em thinking they'll be livin in the sky
but while Im here livin man I gotta ask why
what am here fo I gotta figure out
waste my life/ no I gotta make it count
if Christ is real then what am I gone do about
all of the things in Luke 12:15 down to 21 you really oughta go and check it out
Paul said if Christ aint resurrect then we wasted our lives
well that implies that our life's built around Jesus being alive
everyday I'm living tryin show the world why
Christ is more than everything you'll ever try
better than pretty women and sinning and living
to get a minute of any women and men that you admire aint no lie
We created for Him outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him Jesus comes and raises for Him
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser
he made us so we could bless Him and to the world we confess him
resurrects him so I know I got life matter fact better man I know I got Christ
if you don't' see His ways in my days and nights
you can hit my brakes you can stop my lights
man I lost my rights I lost my life
forget the money cars and toss that ice
the cost is Christ
and they could never offer me anything on the planet that'll cost that price
[Verse 2: LeCrae]
Suffer Yeah do it for Christ if you trying to figure what to do with your life
if you making money hope you doing it right
because the money is Gods you better steward it right
stay focused if you aint got no ride
your life aint wrapped up in what you drive
the clothes you wear the job you work
the color your skin naw we Christian first
people living life for a job make a lil money start living for a car
get em a house a wife kids and a dog when they retire they living high on the hog
but guess what they didn't ever really live at all to live is Christ yeah that's Paul I recall
to die is gain so for Christ we give it all he's the treasure you'll find in the mall
Your money your singleness marriage talent and time
they were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
that's why it's Christ in my rhymes That's why it's Christ all the time
my whole world is built around him He's the life in my lines
I refused to waste my life he's too true ta chase that ice
heres my gifts and time cause I'm constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ
If he's truly raised to life then this news should change your life
and by his grace you can put your faith in place that rules your days and nights
All of us out there are looking for purpose. We're looking for something to define us, to fulfill us, to give us something to go after. We long for something to make us great, to rescue us, to make our lives matter. Every magazine cover and every book on the self-help shelf promises that if we just buy this, or do this diet or look this way or think that way then we will be happy. But, it's not working!
What am I here for?
Where can I find fulfillment?
Where can I find rest?
But, honestly what am I saying that hasn't been said before, and said better!
Luke 12:15-21
"And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” 16Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. 17 And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ 18 So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.”’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’ 21 “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
[Verse 1: LeCrae]
I know a lot of people out there scared they gone die
couple of em thinking they'll be livin in the sky
but while Im here livin man I gotta ask why
what am here fo I gotta figure out
waste my life/ no I gotta make it count
if Christ is real then what am I gone do about
all of the things in Luke 12:15 down to 21 you really oughta go and check it out
Paul said if Christ aint resurrect then we wasted our lives
well that implies that our life's built around Jesus being alive
everyday I'm living tryin show the world why
Christ is more than everything you'll ever try
better than pretty women and sinning and living
to get a minute of any women and men that you admire aint no lie
We created for Him outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him Jesus comes and raises for Him
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser
he made us so we could bless Him and to the world we confess him
resurrects him so I know I got life matter fact better man I know I got Christ
if you don't' see His ways in my days and nights
you can hit my brakes you can stop my lights
man I lost my rights I lost my life
forget the money cars and toss that ice
the cost is Christ
and they could never offer me anything on the planet that'll cost that price
[Verse 2: LeCrae]
Suffer Yeah do it for Christ if you trying to figure what to do with your life
if you making money hope you doing it right
because the money is Gods you better steward it right
stay focused if you aint got no ride
your life aint wrapped up in what you drive
the clothes you wear the job you work
the color your skin naw we Christian first
people living life for a job make a lil money start living for a car
get em a house a wife kids and a dog when they retire they living high on the hog
but guess what they didn't ever really live at all to live is Christ yeah that's Paul I recall
to die is gain so for Christ we give it all he's the treasure you'll find in the mall
Your money your singleness marriage talent and time
they were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
that's why it's Christ in my rhymes That's why it's Christ all the time
my whole world is built around him He's the life in my lines
I refused to waste my life he's too true ta chase that ice
heres my gifts and time cause I'm constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ
If he's truly raised to life then this news should change your life
and by his grace you can put your faith in place that rules your days and nights
What is Church?
It's 2010, a new year has rolled in once again. I've been struggling to get my thoughts organized enough to put them down.
I guess I'll start with what's been happening over my break since I last wrote and go from there.
I spent Tuesday and Wednesday of this week helping out at my church. I really enjoyed being down there and I'm very thankful that my pastor gave me the opportunity to serve. It was very eye-opening to see what goes on in a church not on Sundays. I've never had a personal relationship with a pastor before. Other people who've always been in churches where they know the pastor personally probably don't understand what's like to be in a church where you don't (which has been my experience up till now). Pastor Tony and his wife Pastor Jody know my name! and I've had conversations with them! I just think that's the coolest, nicest thing ever.
At this point in time I'm not really sure how all these experiences that I've been having with God and his church are going to play into my calling. I don't necessarily feel called to go into full time ministry at this pointing time, but then again I don't dislike the idea either. I feel like God has been showing me a lot of different things recently, about the nature of life, people and the church for a reason (well everything is for a reason, but you know what I mean).
One of the things I've been studying and looking into lately is the nature of church. What is church? What kind of got my started on this little quest for knowledge was one of my friends talking about faithful vs. non-faithful congregations. I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought you either believed in the bible or you didn't. I also thought that the main difference and dispute between denominations was whether you should have communion every Sunday or not, or if it's okay to have drums in the worship service.
But, apparently, there's a lot more to the picture then that. But, the conclusion that I've drawn currently is that the church is a community above all else. It's a community of people with the common goal in life of bringing glory to our creator. I'm still working on the other details. I'll uptdate you if I figure anything else out.
So as I've been studying theology I've been trying to figure out if there is a denomination that I agree with. Currently I don't claim to be anything other then a Christian. I do not want to attach a denomination to that until I'm sure I agree with everything that that church preaches and only if I feel called by God to join that church. The reason I want to figure out exactly what I believe in regards to theology is so that when it comes time for me to get married (If that's part of God's plan for my life) I won't end up marrying someone whose theologically incompatible with me. This is important to avoid because if we have children we will end up giving our kids a mixed message about the gospel.
Us college kids are in a very unique situation in regards to church. Most of us don't belong to churches and find it difficult to become involved in one. For me and my friends we get most of our "church" (that is fellowship, accountability and growth) from our christian ministry groups on campus. I've been incredibly blessed this semester by the sisters and brothers in Christ I've developed on campus. We've had lots of conversations on exactly how and how much we should be involved in a traditional church during these years of in-betweennes. So far we've concluded that what we're doing so far is fine and as long as we keep growing in God and seeking his will that if God wants us to do something differently he will reveal it to us.
I meant to write a post about my new year and all my thoughts surrounding that, but as per usual I don't have much control over what I write. I guess that'll have to wait for later.
I guess I'll start with what's been happening over my break since I last wrote and go from there.
I spent Tuesday and Wednesday of this week helping out at my church. I really enjoyed being down there and I'm very thankful that my pastor gave me the opportunity to serve. It was very eye-opening to see what goes on in a church not on Sundays. I've never had a personal relationship with a pastor before. Other people who've always been in churches where they know the pastor personally probably don't understand what's like to be in a church where you don't (which has been my experience up till now). Pastor Tony and his wife Pastor Jody know my name! and I've had conversations with them! I just think that's the coolest, nicest thing ever.
At this point in time I'm not really sure how all these experiences that I've been having with God and his church are going to play into my calling. I don't necessarily feel called to go into full time ministry at this pointing time, but then again I don't dislike the idea either. I feel like God has been showing me a lot of different things recently, about the nature of life, people and the church for a reason (well everything is for a reason, but you know what I mean).
One of the things I've been studying and looking into lately is the nature of church. What is church? What kind of got my started on this little quest for knowledge was one of my friends talking about faithful vs. non-faithful congregations. I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought you either believed in the bible or you didn't. I also thought that the main difference and dispute between denominations was whether you should have communion every Sunday or not, or if it's okay to have drums in the worship service.
But, apparently, there's a lot more to the picture then that. But, the conclusion that I've drawn currently is that the church is a community above all else. It's a community of people with the common goal in life of bringing glory to our creator. I'm still working on the other details. I'll uptdate you if I figure anything else out.
So as I've been studying theology I've been trying to figure out if there is a denomination that I agree with. Currently I don't claim to be anything other then a Christian. I do not want to attach a denomination to that until I'm sure I agree with everything that that church preaches and only if I feel called by God to join that church. The reason I want to figure out exactly what I believe in regards to theology is so that when it comes time for me to get married (If that's part of God's plan for my life) I won't end up marrying someone whose theologically incompatible with me. This is important to avoid because if we have children we will end up giving our kids a mixed message about the gospel.
Us college kids are in a very unique situation in regards to church. Most of us don't belong to churches and find it difficult to become involved in one. For me and my friends we get most of our "church" (that is fellowship, accountability and growth) from our christian ministry groups on campus. I've been incredibly blessed this semester by the sisters and brothers in Christ I've developed on campus. We've had lots of conversations on exactly how and how much we should be involved in a traditional church during these years of in-betweennes. So far we've concluded that what we're doing so far is fine and as long as we keep growing in God and seeking his will that if God wants us to do something differently he will reveal it to us.
I meant to write a post about my new year and all my thoughts surrounding that, but as per usual I don't have much control over what I write. I guess that'll have to wait for later.
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