I like to play pretend that I'm this mature, spiritual adult who really has this whole Jesus thing figured out. But, that's a lie (interesting enough, though I can't really manage to lie very well to others, I sure can lie to myself most effectively). But, I'm a baby, I'm still drinking out of a bottle for goodness sakes. I know nothing. I used to sit in church and listen to people speak and pat myself on the back for my understanding of the scriptures, for how much historical background and facts I knew. Now I struggle to comprehend even the most basic of Christian life principals. I can say that I know things, but my actions revel just how ignorant I really am.
"You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." Revelation 3:17
So I have an apology to make
To everyone who has had to deal with the brunt of my arrogance
To everyone who has had to deal with the brunt of my arrogance
I am sorry
I am sorry that a lot of the time I treat conversations like a battle to win. I concentrate more on being right, then on truly listening to you, more on proving my point, then on getting to know and love you.
I am sorry that more often then not I am quick to point out exactly how you are wrong before I even listen to what you have to say.
I have taken a faith that is rich and life-giving, a truth that can make you whole and bastardized it. I've turned the message of hope that is Jesus Christ into a narrow list of Do's and Don'ts, that excludes out of self-righteousness rather then includes out of love. I have cheapened the Gospel.
I am sorry for my lack of listening. I know I've hurt people, and I regret it.
I apologize for the way my pride, arrogance and self-righteousness has made me blind to the needs of others.
I made the mistake of thinking that my foremost responsibility in life is to convince you that my view point is right. But, this a lie born of foolishness and pride.
I am a pharisee, I have strained out a gnat and swallowed a camel.
I am now aware that the message of Christ is one of love and hope, not morality and self-righteousness.
I have exchanged the truth for a lie.
I will do this no more.
I will do this no more.
For all of this I am truly, truly sorry
Having come to the realization that I have been a pharisee, I was greatly disturbed. The only people Christ ever condemned were the pharisees, the only people he ever got mad and yelled at. Over and over, he specifically warns us that we are not to judge, that only God has the righteousness to Judge. He warns us that by whatever measure we judge, we will also be judged (Matthew 7:1).
As I was meditating on all that God had shown me about my sin. I thought "will God forgive me for all of this? Can he forgive me for all of this?" I almost laughed at myself, because I remember growing up in church and hearing people ask that same question. I remember thinking that they were stupid for even feeling that way. But today, I empathized. I understand now how one can feel unforgivable. I felt that way today. I understand how one can feel like they've finally gone to far. I felt that way today.
BUT!!! This is the gospel, right here! This is the key. It's not about our righteousness, our deeds (or misdeeds) or anything we do. It's about Christ work at Calvary, it's about his righteousness!
That's the beauty of it, the mystery that I often overlook. God chose me, before I had done anything and he has still chosen me after everything that I've done.
I recently heard a message on the prodigal son. In the past I've always aligned myself with the older brother. I totally understood his anger. Why should God forgive his lazy spoiled younger brother? You could have called me Jonah, angry at God for being merciful and kind.
But, now I see that I am the prodigal son. I have squandered my inheritance on wicked things. I have lost everything because of my sin. I have been so hungry that I have eaten the rotting flesh of this world.
When the prodigal son came home, his father ran to him when he was a far way off. He didn't wait for him to finish dragging himself to the door, he didn't wait for him to take a shower and get clean enough to be presentable, he didn't wait for him to grovel and his feet.
He ran out to meet him!!!
As I was meditating on all that God had shown me about my sin. I thought "will God forgive me for all of this? Can he forgive me for all of this?" I almost laughed at myself, because I remember growing up in church and hearing people ask that same question. I remember thinking that they were stupid for even feeling that way. But today, I empathized. I understand now how one can feel unforgivable. I felt that way today. I understand how one can feel like they've finally gone to far. I felt that way today.
BUT!!! This is the gospel, right here! This is the key. It's not about our righteousness, our deeds (or misdeeds) or anything we do. It's about Christ work at Calvary, it's about his righteousness!
That's the beauty of it, the mystery that I often overlook. God chose me, before I had done anything and he has still chosen me after everything that I've done.
I recently heard a message on the prodigal son. In the past I've always aligned myself with the older brother. I totally understood his anger. Why should God forgive his lazy spoiled younger brother? You could have called me Jonah, angry at God for being merciful and kind.
But, now I see that I am the prodigal son. I have squandered my inheritance on wicked things. I have lost everything because of my sin. I have been so hungry that I have eaten the rotting flesh of this world.
When the prodigal son came home, his father ran to him when he was a far way off. He didn't wait for him to finish dragging himself to the door, he didn't wait for him to take a shower and get clean enough to be presentable, he didn't wait for him to grovel and his feet.
He ran out to meet him!!!
God came running to me when I was yet a far way off, when I was still covered in the grime of my sin.
The father gave his son his best robe, his signet ring (the ring signified that the son had the authority that the father did as the owner of the estate), he slaughtered the fattened calf (the most expensive animal).
'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'
I am alive in Christ. Praise the Lord
The father gave his son his best robe, his signet ring (the ring signified that the son had the authority that the father did as the owner of the estate), he slaughtered the fattened calf (the most expensive animal).
'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'
– (Luke 15:31-32, NIV)
I am alive in Christ. Praise the Lord
"Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!" Revelation 5:12
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