Birthday

Well today I am a whole 'nother year older. I have officially occupied this earth for a full 19 years. It's amazing how fast time flies (I know, I know it's cliche, but that doesn't mean it's not also true).

As birthday's go this was a rather nice one. It was beautiful weather for February outside. I had breakfast with my friend Crystal, lunch with my friend Jenn and dinner with just about everybody I could manage to round up. I also got to skype with my friend who is studying abroad in Japan, that is always a blessing. On top of that, my parents came over yesterday and took me out for lunch. It was good to talk to them and spend time with them. I love both of them so much.
I am so richly blessed with friends and family. I honestly feel like a rich women when I am around them. Never in a million years did I ever consider that I would be so blessed.

Birthdays always make me think about things. Like what I've done, where I'm going, who I am, who I'm going to be be etc.
I had a fairly eventful 19th year. I graduated from high school, gave my life to christ, flew to California for a week to visit my brother, taught swimming for 14 weeks straight, went on my first backpacking trip, moved to Tampa, started college, made tons of friends, joined the navigators, went to a football game, learned how to long board, learned how to swing dance, won free boba three times!, managed to pull through with straight A's, spent four weeks with the family, went on a daniel's fast for forty days, came back to college, made more friends, had more fun...

I've changed and grown in more ways then I can imagine. I guess that's what supposed to happen? Who knows, honestly?

I guess I'm still figuring out this whole adult thing. Which is slightly ridiculous, considering I've been a legal adult for a year now. Well, everything in God's timing I suppose...

Mostly, I've been learning to lean on God and trust him completely. It's been an adventure to say the least. I have a terrible tendency of clinging tightly to my plans and the false sense of security they bring. God decided to remove that from my character recently and believe me, my stubbornness made it less then fun.

I had been really set on going to a Navigator STP (summer training program), I had talked with people, prayed about it and even filled out the application. But unbeknown to me, my family has been planning to take a three week road trip to California and back this summer. So that's just one of those family activities you just don't miss, if you know what I mean. At first I was really upset, "my" family was intervening on "my" plans. This is a very bad attitude to have, in case you're wondering. So I was filled with anxiety all week long. Until I went for a long run and finally told God "you know what, fine, it's not my summer, it's not my time, it's not my life, it's not my decision, if you want me to chill with my family all summer long, fine, i'll do what you want." Now, if only I can learn to say that right away with a willing and submissive heart. One step at a time I guess...

So here I am, I'm not sure what I'm doing this summer, I'm not sure where I'm living next year (I applied to be an RA and I don't find out for a couple of weeks), I don't know where I'm going after graduation, in fact I don't know much of anything about anything past the end of this week.

It used to really bother me when I didn't have a plan. I was the girl with a plan (and an opinion, but that's another topic for later discussion), I took great pride in my ability to plan and control my life. Which come to think of it is probably why that part of me had to go. Never could manage to make pride and God fit in my heart, go figure.

Here I am world, broken in Christ arms, ready to love like crazy.