I learned a lot in just a few sweet, precious hours. I started out just journaling about something that had been making me sad lately. The funny thing that I've realized recently is that, for some reason or another, I have a pretty hard time approaching God when I'm upset (sad, angry, lonely, etc.). My general response when something upsets me is to retreat inside myself until I have a handle on my emotions. I'm perfectly okay with letting God know how happy I am about something, but when something bothers me I don't want to talk about it. It was hard to sort through all that but then I started reading in the Psalms. Another funny thing, is I've never really had a hard time relating to the God described in the Old Testament but a much harder time understanding the grace of Jesus Christ (I think most people are the other way around?)
So when I started reading Psalm 139, 103 and 104, I was moved to tears. God loves me in all my brokenness, with all my emotional baggage. There was a moment when I was sitting outside the marshal center in the amphitheater, it was warm and a gentle breeze was flowing, there was no one around and God really spoke to me and he said loud and clear "I am with you".
Psalm 103
A Psalm of David.
1 Bless the LORD, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
(I love verses 3 -5. God does so much for me)
6 The LORD executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.
(God cares for the downtrodden and he will bring about justice for them)
7 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel.
8 The LORD is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
9 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.
(I think this amazing. I used to feel like God was out to punish me, that he was like one of those people who would kick you when you're down. But, I've discovered the truth, a lot of the time God protects us from the really consequences of our sins, simply because he loves us. He does this daily and he did it ultimately when he crushed his son for our sins. How wonderful is that?)
11 For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
(We don't have to carry to burden of our guilt anymore! We're free, We are free! All the pain, guilt and shame have been taken off of us. How beautiful is that?)
13 As a father pities his children,
So the LORD pities those who fear Him.
14 For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.
(he know that we're human, that we're going to make mistakes, but he is patient and waits for us with open arms)
15 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16 For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.a]">[a]
17 But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
18 To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.
19 The LORD has established His throne in heaven,
And His kingdom rules over all.
20 Bless the LORD, you His angels,
Who excel in strength, who do His word,
Heeding the voice of His word.
21 Bless the LORD, all you His hosts,
You ministers of His, who do His pleasure.
22 Bless the LORD, all His works,
In all places of His dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
(I love verses 3 -5. God does so much for me)
6 The LORD executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.
(God cares for the downtrodden and he will bring about justice for them)
7 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel.
8 The LORD is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
9 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.
(I think this amazing. I used to feel like God was out to punish me, that he was like one of those people who would kick you when you're down. But, I've discovered the truth, a lot of the time God protects us from the really consequences of our sins, simply because he loves us. He does this daily and he did it ultimately when he crushed his son for our sins. How wonderful is that?)
11 For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
(We don't have to carry to burden of our guilt anymore! We're free, We are free! All the pain, guilt and shame have been taken off of us. How beautiful is that?)
13 As a father pities his children,
So the LORD pities those who fear Him.
14 For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.
(he know that we're human, that we're going to make mistakes, but he is patient and waits for us with open arms)
15 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16 For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.a]">[a]
17 But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
18 To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.
19 The LORD has established His throne in heaven,
And His kingdom rules over all.
20 Bless the LORD, you His angels,
Who excel in strength, who do His word,
Heeding the voice of His word.
21 Bless the LORD, all you His hosts,
You ministers of His, who do His pleasure.
22 Bless the LORD, all His works,
In all places of His dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!
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