Most days if you asked me about how I like nursing, I'll tell you 'I love it!'. I will go on and on about how much I love teaching people about their bodies and serving them in their time of need. I'll tell you that I know that God made me to be a nurse. I'll talk about how great it is to be able to do the work I do. I will be all smiles and excitement.
However, I think that my general tendency to be positive masks the pain that my profession often brings. I don't bring this up to complain. I think it's important to talk about the painful parts of our life, because more often then not, these are the areas that God is using to make us like his Son. Don't get me wrong, nursing is a job -no, a calling- that brings great joy. But, it will break your heart too.
Some people respond by saying that you shouldn't get emotionally involved, that if your heart breaks, you are doing something wrong. I ardently dissagree with that sentiment. What kind of person would I be if I didn't grieve with the mother of a stillborn child, or with the patient who just found out their cancer is inoperable? Caring hurts, but I want it to hurt. I never want to be numb to the pain of the world.
Jesus did not turn His face away from the reality of suffering, He did not run, He did not hide. For thirty-three years He walked among the broken, the lame and the blind. During his earthly ministry He healed thousands that had no hope. He healed them because he felt compassion on them. Then at his crucifixion Jesus felt the weight of the sin of His elect, He bore their pain, their sorrow. He did not turn away but faced the reality of suffering the full cup of God's wrath.
And now as God's servant, I too share in His sufferings. I walk the halls of this hospital and I hear their cries. And friends, some days it hurts. Some days it hurts a lot. To know that there are so many souls within these walls on the brink of death, unready for eternity. And I feel so burdened. And then I remember what the Scripture says.
"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
~Matthew 11:28-19~
"Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need"
~Hebrews 4:14-16~
In reflecting over everything that has occurred this past month, I have come see that the practice of medicine is, at best, a practice in futility. It's like bailing water in a ship full of holes, I'm only delaying the inevitable. This is a hard reality face, to feel unable to help in the face of immense suffering.
Every nurse has to find a way to deal with the emotional drain of nursing. Some can't, they leave the profession (the turn over rate in nursing is very high), some drink, some smoke, a lot eat. I write blogs about Jesus and sing hymns to Him with my guitar.
Father, I do not ask that you remove this burden from my back, but simply that you strengthen my back to bear it.
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