Unexpected Joy (Video)

I wish that everyone who thinks it's merciful to murder disabled children before they are even born would watch this video.

The CV Chronicles: True Beauty

I’ll be honest. I really struggle with negative feelings about my physical apperance. If you could crawl in my head and walk around inside my brain you would see phrases like “fat chick” “you’re so ugly”, “You’ll never get married because you’re ugly”, “ You are such a loser cause you can’t loose weight”, “ You would be liked more if you were prettier” seared across the walls.  For so long I have carried these thoughts around like chains around my ankles. They’ve been there so long I had ceased to hear the clinking metal and smell the rotting flesh.  These shackles have held me down for so long, I never thought things could be any different.

Yesterday, I got hard core rebuked by my pastor for calling myself ugly. He told me “oh, so Psalm 139 isn’t true for you sister? Sarah, how do you expect to be able to counsel teenage girls who all think they are ugly if you talk like that?” He was so right, I was so ashamed of myself. I’ve always known that the way I think was wrong, but I’ve never really known what to do about it. The Lord is so sovereign and He has chosen that today would be the day that I would leave behind these fetters behind me.  

I was walking with one of my girls today and she said “Sarah, a lot of girls like to be tan, and they call me ugly because I’m pale”  I was thinking 'THIS IS SO WRONG'. All of the girls in my cabin wear so much makeup. They are so young! None of them are even in high school. Yet, they are already enslaved to the makeup industry. They have been sold an impossible standard.

So I told her this “Listen, there comes a time in every woman’s life that she must decide who she is going to listen to about her appearance, the World or the Bible. Never forget, the world always lies, and no matter how hard you try, you will never reach it's standard of perfection. And not only that, but you will spend the rest of you life attempting to maintain a body that is decaying. However, if you choose to listen to the Bible you will gain the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is very precious in the sight of God.” As I said this to her, I realized I really should be preaching to myself. 

The truth is I haven’t been the best example. I performed during chapel in Monday and I spent 

the time before it obsessing about my appearance in the cabin.  I was such a bad example.

 

Never again. Never again will I determine my worth by my assessment of my physical appearance. Never again will I be such a terrible example to women younger than me. Never again will I allow myself to think these destructive thoughts. Never again will I dishonor the Lord in this way. NEVER AGAIN.

So tonight for part of our devotions I’m going to bring out the cabin trash can, I’m going to take my makeup box and I’m going to throw it in the trash. No more of that. My appearance has become an idol and like Samuel I'm going to "hack him to pieces before the Lord". 

Amen and Amen 

The CV Chronicles: An Open Letter to My Sister

And once again I find myself overwhelmed with thoughts and unable to sleep. I need to be sleeping, my day starts at 6:30 AM tomorrow, but recording my thoughts seems so much more important right now.

Where to begin? I really want to tell you about how incredible this last week was. I want to tell you about all the wonderful ways the Lord has worked in my life.

But honestly, all I can think about right now is my younger sister. Our relationship is very broken right now and this brings much grief to my heart. As painful as it is for me to admit, the current state of our relationship is almost entirely my fault. When I was an unbeliever, I never treated her right. I called her horrid names, held her to an impossible standard and criticized her every move. I refused to forgive the slightest offense. It was so wicked. I shudder when I remember my former ways. 

However, by the sweet, sweet grace of God when Christ entered my heart, all the animosity and bitterness I used to feel was washed away. It has been my aim these past three years to rebuild what I destroyed. Unfortunately, I've had very little success. Currently, my sister won't even talk to me.

I have a picture of her I keep in my wallet, I pulled it out and put it up on my encouragement wall so I would remember to pray for her. I've been writing her letters while I've been here at camp. My mom confirmed that she got them, but I don't know if she reads them. Please pray for our relationship.

If I could just get her to listen to me, this is what I would tell her:

Margaret,
      There are few things I regret more in my life than the way I treated you when we were growing up. If it were possible, I would take back every cruel, ungracious thing I've ever said to you. I am so ashamed of the way I treated you when we were children. I sinned against you and against the Lord. I used to be so angry at you constantly, but now that I know Jesus I am not that way any more. Jesus changed my heart Margaret and I pray that one day He will change yours as well and you will find it possible to forgive me. Jesus loves you and so do I. It is my dearest wish that one day we will be reconciled as not only biological sisters, but sisters in the Lord as well.
     I can tell you from experience Margaret that living a life a part from Christ is no life at all. Carrying around a heart full of anger will ultimately destroy you.

I am here anytime you need me.

Love, 

Sarah Jo

The CV Chronicles: Contentment In All Circumstances

The first week of camp is over. WOW. So much is happened in the last three weeks, I don't even know where to begin. I've wanted to write this blog for several days now, but my mind has been so swamped with thoughts and emotions, it's been out of the question. Attempting to formulate a coherent commentary of my time at CV has left me feeling like a hummingbird trying to find a perch. I'm hoping that my usual trick of writing at odd hours of the night will help me overcome the erratic mess that is my thought life.

First and foremost, I feel compelled to state that it is an incredible blessing to be here at CV. In my few short years at college I have spent time in six different countries and Alaska. I have seen glaciers and climbed active volcanoes. I've zip lined across rivers and tubed in a cave. But, all of that pales in comparison to the pure joy I have experienced in serving at this little camp in nowhere Alabama. To be with the Lord's people in a place where everything is designed to point people to the Lord is indescribable. All I do all day long is talk about the Lord. I have never been happier. The peace I feel is beyond understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). Hebrews 8:11 frequently comes to my mind as I go about my day here. Being here is a glimpse of heaven. 


It's not that my life does not have its trials by no means. I am uncertain as to weather or not my grandma will live to see the end of this summer, most of my scholarship money is getting cut next year and I have no idea how I am going to support myself, and in less that a year I will be graduating and in all likelihood, I will still be single, something I could never have imagined three years ago. 

However, for the first time in my walk with Christ, I can clearly see how God is using these trials as a refiner's fire. Whereas trials used to make me think God didn't care about me, now I know that the Lord is holding my hand through the storm. I am slowly learning to rejoice in all circumstances (I think all that time studying Philippians this year has really paid off). God is using these trials to draw my heart close to His, to purge my soul of sin and to make me totally dependent on Him. 

I spent a lot of time this past school year wrestling in my heart as I tried to comprehend how to give thanks to God for trials. I must have hashed it out a thousand times with one of my roommates, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. Nevertheless, God has once again proved Himself faithful and has shown me through my circumstances what it means to give thanks for trials.

I rejoice that no matter what the circumstances, God is good. 
I rejoice that God is sovereignly bringing about His will in my life.  
I rejoice that Christ is risen and my sins have been paid for.  
I rejoice because I know the fellowship of Christ sufferings.
I rejoice because God has heard the cries of my heart and He is our compassionate High Priest. 
I rejoice because My God is El Roi, The God Who Sees!  


God is using this place to constantly break my heart for the Gospel. I am so overwhelmed that the Holy God the the universe would choose before the beginning of time to redeem a wretch like me. It blows my mind everyday. I am moved to tears as I consider the great love that Christ demonstrated for His people at Calvary.  

More to come tomorrow, I've got to get some sleep so I can be awake for church in the morning. 
 

The Camp Victory Chronicles: Servant Leadership

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." 

~Mark 10:45~

This post marks the end of my first week at Camp Victory! What a week it has been. Lifeguard training ended Thursday. I am now officially a certified lifeguard (for the third time haha). On Friday, the rest of the counselor staff arrived. It was great to meet the rest of my team. I really enjoyed meeting everyone. To top it off, Jenna and Anthony arrived. It fills my heart with joy to have them here with me this summer. Most of the time that I have traveled, it has been by myself, or in the company of unbelievers. That has always been the thorn in my international traveling experiences. I tend to shrivel up on the inside without frequent, Christ-centered fellowship. Knowing that I'll still be able to to talk to someone about CV when I get back to Tampa is such a nice feeling. Someone who understands all the inside jokes and crazy memories that only make sense if you were there.

Yesterday and today were spent in counselor orientation. One of the big topics that has really been emphasized is servant leadership. I've been so impressed with and convicted by the servant's heart that the people here display. Everyone pitches in to help, without complaining and no one thinks they are too good to clean toilets. It's very humbling to realize just how selfish I still am.

There are certain advantages to being a single adult. More freedom for ministry and more personal discretion with your time. However, an unfortunate side effect is a tendency to become unintentionally very self-focused. I spend about 90% of my time doing things that directly benefit myself; I go to school so I can get the degree that I want, I work to pay my bills, I only cook and clean for myself typically etc. Granted, some of this is just a product of the season of life I am in. I don't have a family to take care of and if the Lord has called me to serve Him as a nurse, that requires a degree, which in turn requires a lot of commitment and time. However, CV is serving as a great reminder that the world does not in fact, revolve around me and my plans for the future (how surprising...haha)

Needless to say, I am hoping that this summer I will grow a lot in this area. In the providence of God my church has been studying the book of Philippians in our college and women's ministries the past few months. By the Grace of God I hope to apply this passage to my time here at camp:

^"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross."

~Philippians 2:3-8~

All in all, I feel so blessed to be able to a part of this ministry. It is so encouraging to be in a place where The Lord's name is proclaimed constantly. It is so clear to me that everything that we do is to point people to Christ. It's so refreshing to be in this environment after so many years at USF. I really hope that the Lord allows me to serve Him in full time ministry one day. 

The Camp Victory Chronicles: Strength in Weakness

"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10~

It was my intention to come to Camp Victory in peak spiritual condition. Doctrinally fit and prepared to answer all my campers difficult questions about God. I wanted to be the absolute best counselor I could be. I wanted to have all my ducks neatly in a row, ready to be everything my campers needed me to be. I was going to be in superior shape with my sanctification and closer to God then I'd ever been. I was going to be Sarah Jo, the super counselor!

Well, no surprise to anyone who knows me, and yet still a great surprise to me; I once again don't really have it all the way together. I feel so incredibly weak right now. It seems like everything that could go wrong these past month, did; every mistake I could make, I did make. And on top of that, I feel like all my spiritual short comings, temptations and bad habits have all manifested themselves simultaneously at full strength. I remember laying on my couch last week, after having cried my eyes out. Wondering 'Why is this all happening now? I have to go camp! I need to have it together! I've got stuff to do, this is not the time for things to be unraveling!'

The biggest temptation I face at times like these is to start to think in my heart that God doesn't care about the hurt I am experiencing. This leads me to shy away from prayer, which only makes me feel even more distant from God. It's a terrible downward spiral. It's time like this that I am so grateful for the Bible knowledge and doctrinal training that I've received at my church, Grace Bible. There is a rock of truth planted way down in my soul and I have built my house on that rock, and though the storms of life may howl, my house still stands.

No one said that life was supposed to be easy, or comfortable. In fact the Bible promises us that "In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted"(2 Timothy 3:12). And Jesus himself said that “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it." (Luke 9:23)

I forget these verses so easily. I get so attached to my worldly comforts, that when the Lord sovereignly removes them, I think that He is being unfair. When in reality, every good thing comes from the Lord, and no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly (James 1:17, Psalm 84:11). I don't deserve anything from God except damnation, so anything I have is a grace gift, to be given and taken away at the Lord's good pleasure.

On an entirely different note, if there's one things I've noticed about myself in the few short days I've been here, it is this: I am THE MOST selfish person to have walked the earth. Seriously, how did I become so self-centered? All I think about is my wants, my comforts, my desires. my, my my. It's enough to make you sick. In fact, I am sick, of myself. So please pray that this summer, I will die to myself and put others before myself.

"You don't know Jesus is all you need, till Jesus is all you have."

The Camp Victory Chronicles

Hello from Alabama! 

In case you haven't heard, I have decided to spend my summer serving the Lord at Camp Victory in Samson, Alabama.  I will be here until August. The camp serves children from grades 3-12 in different weeks throughout the summer. I'm really excited so see how God is going to grow my relationship with Him this summer. I'm also really looking forward to sharing the gospel with all my campers. 

Please pray for my campers. Please pray that I communicate the gospel clearly and effectively. Please pray that I lay down my life everyday for my girls and show them the love of Christ. 

Here are some preliminary photos I took in my free time today. The camp ground is really beautiful and I love being in the middle of nowhere. Being in nature makes me really happy. I'm excited to explore more of the grounds. Tomorrow starts lifeguard training. I think it's going to be a blast.

If you want to be awesome and write to me my address is:

363 Victory Circle Samson, Al 36477