"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore
I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in
persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then
I am strong."
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10~
It was my intention to come to Camp Victory in peak spiritual condition. Doctrinally fit and prepared to answer all my campers difficult questions about God. I wanted to be the absolute best counselor I could be. I wanted to have all my ducks neatly in a row, ready to be everything my campers needed me to be. I was going to be in superior shape with my sanctification and closer to God then I'd ever been. I was going to be Sarah Jo, the super counselor!
Well, no surprise to anyone who knows me, and yet still a great surprise to me; I once again don't really have it all the way together. I feel so incredibly weak right now. It seems like everything that could go wrong these past month, did; every mistake I could make, I did make. And on top of that, I feel like all my spiritual short comings, temptations and bad habits have all manifested themselves simultaneously at full strength. I remember laying on my couch last week, after having cried my eyes out. Wondering 'Why is this all happening now? I have to go camp! I need to have it together! I've got stuff to do, this is not the time for things to be unraveling!'
The biggest temptation I face at times like these is to start to think in my heart that God doesn't care about the hurt I am experiencing. This leads me to shy away from prayer, which only makes me feel even more distant from God. It's a terrible downward spiral. It's time like this that I am so grateful for the Bible knowledge and doctrinal training that I've received at my church, Grace Bible. There is a rock of truth planted way down in my soul and I have built my house on that rock, and though the storms of life may howl, my house still stands.
No one said that life was supposed to be easy, or comfortable. In fact the Bible promises us that "In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted"(2 Timothy 3:12). And Jesus himself said that “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it." (Luke 9:23)
I forget these verses so easily. I get so attached to my worldly comforts, that when the Lord sovereignly removes them, I think that He is being unfair. When in reality, every good thing comes from the Lord, and no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly (James 1:17, Psalm 84:11). I don't deserve anything from God except damnation, so anything I have is a grace gift, to be given and taken away at the Lord's good pleasure.
On an entirely different note, if there's one things I've noticed about myself in the few short days I've been here, it is this: I am THE MOST selfish person to have walked the earth. Seriously, how did I become so self-centered? All I think about is my wants, my comforts, my desires. my, my my. It's enough to make you sick. In fact, I am sick, of myself. So please pray that this summer, I will die to myself and put others before myself.
"You don't know Jesus is all you need, till Jesus is all you have."
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