The first week of camp is over. WOW. So much is happened in the last three weeks, I don't even know where to begin. I've wanted to write this blog for several days now, but my mind has been so swamped with thoughts and emotions, it's been out of the question. Attempting to formulate a coherent commentary of my time at CV has left me feeling like a hummingbird trying to find a perch. I'm hoping that my usual trick of writing at odd hours of the night will help me overcome the erratic mess that is my thought life.
First and foremost, I feel compelled to state that it is an incredible blessing to be here at CV. In my few short years at college I have spent time in six different countries and Alaska. I have seen glaciers and climbed active volcanoes. I've zip lined across rivers and tubed in a cave. But, all of that pales in comparison to the pure joy I have experienced in serving at this little camp in nowhere Alabama. To be with the Lord's people in a place where everything is designed to point people to the Lord is indescribable. All I do all day long is talk about the Lord. I have never been happier. The peace I feel is beyond understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). Hebrews 8:11 frequently comes to my mind as I go about my day here. Being here is a glimpse of heaven.
It's not that my life does not have its trials by no means. I am uncertain as to weather or not my grandma will live to see the end of this summer, most of my scholarship money is getting cut next year and I have no idea how I am going to support myself, and in less that a year I will be graduating and in all likelihood, I will still be single, something I could never have imagined three years ago.
However, for the first time in my walk with Christ, I can clearly see how God is using these trials as a refiner's fire. Whereas trials used to make me think God didn't care about me, now I know that the Lord is holding my hand through the storm. I am slowly learning to rejoice in all circumstances (I think all that time studying Philippians this year has really paid off). God is using these trials to draw my heart close to His, to purge my soul of sin and to make me totally dependent on Him.
I spent a lot of time this past school year wrestling in my heart as I tried to comprehend how to give thanks to God for trials. I must have hashed it out a thousand times with one of my roommates, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. Nevertheless, God has once again proved Himself faithful and has shown me through my circumstances what it means to give thanks for trials.
I rejoice that no matter what the circumstances, God is good.
I rejoice that God is sovereignly bringing about His will in my life.
I rejoice that Christ is risen and my sins have been paid for.
I rejoice because I know the fellowship of Christ sufferings.
I rejoice because God has heard the cries of my heart and He is our compassionate High Priest.
I rejoice because My God is El Roi, The God Who Sees!
God is using this place to constantly break my heart for the Gospel. I am so overwhelmed that the Holy God the the universe would choose before the beginning of time to redeem a wretch like me. It blows my mind everyday. I am moved to tears as I consider the great love that Christ demonstrated for His people at Calvary.
More to come tomorrow, I've got to get some sleep so I can be awake for church in the morning.
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