Reflections on this semester

So I'm officially done with my first semester of college. One down, nine more to go!~woot~ (the nursing program at USF is 6 semesters long + four semesters of prerequisites) Academically, I did fairly well this semester (Three A's and Three A+'s). However, as it is with most college kids (I think?) the biggest growth that occurred was not intellectual growth but personal growth (spiritual, emotional, social etc.).

My identity no longer rests in academic accolades, extra-curricular awards and other fading praises of men. I used to be so wrapped up in proving that I was worth something. It's taken a lot of long conversations and a lot of thinking to finally understand what it means to be a new creation in Christ. To be perfectly honest though, I'm still not sure if I understand it completely, as I'm still in the process of sanctification and letting go of my earthly identity and letting my identity be completely hidden in Christ.

We are justified by Christ's actions at Calvary. Nothing else. That truth alone is the most beautiful thing I've ever encountered. We are as the reformers would put it "simul iustus et pecator" simulationously justified and sinful. We, in our inequity have been bought by the blood of Jesus Christ and because of that we are justified in the eyes of God.

It's so funny to me, watching myself change. In high school, I was constantly busy. If there was an organization to join, I joined it. If there was an award to receive I made sure I was in the running for it. I had to be the best, always. There was no room for mistakes, I never let myself forget anything that I did "wrong".
Now in college, I don't feel any pressing need to try to make myself into anything. This semester I came in planing to be hyper-involved, just like is HS. Fortunately for me, God looks after fools and has bigger plans for me and doesn't let me get in the way. I'm finally okay with the fact that right now I don't look that great on paper.

These are the things that I didn't do this semester

• I haven't won any impressive awards
• I didn't take the hardest classes
• I wasn't involved in any impressive research projects
• I didn't get involved in any major award-winning volunteer project
• I didn't join the "right" organizations. (I'm not sure what those are, but probably something multicultural or something to do with feeding the homeless would do)
  

This is what I did do

• I made friends. Good friends.
  
• I learned how to build relationships with people based on the common denominator of a relationship with Christ.
  
• I learned how to cry in front of people.
  
• I learned that it's okay to not be the best.
• I had fun. Ordinary fun that had no purpose.
  
• I drew closer to God.

I'm not sure if I can put that on my co-curricular transcript.

It's so hard to just be, when everyone is telling me about all the things I need to do. If you want to get into grad school you need to....If you want to get scholarships you need to...If you want to get this award you need too...If you want to be impressive you need to...

The other thing that's really changed in my brain is I'm a lot less opinionated then I used to be. Which is funny, because I thought you were supposed to form your opinions about the world in college? I guess not.

I used to be able to write pages and pages about my opinions. For every issue, not only did I have an opinion, but I had an answer, and not just an answer, but THE answer. I loved to tell everybody exactly how they should be living their life. And I frequently did. Now I struggle to come up with even a single coherent sentence that accurately describes the way I feel about something. I think my problem is I have became aware of my own limited ability to see the whole picture. I also (by the grace of God) found a community of people who are as smart, as informed and as able to express themselves as me. In discussing things with people smarter then I, I learned to listen. Thank God I finally got the sensed knocked into me.