And death came knocking

Death came knocking,
Arrayed in popularity, prosperity and the promise of fulfillment.
she called out
"stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant,
come to my house, and you will see,
that you can have all you ever wanted"

Enticed, mind raceing at all the possibilities
cracking the door for "just one peek!"
Not seeing that under that shimmering gown
there lay a corpse
And in her house, the dead are there
for her guests are in the depths of hell

Entranced, heart desiring to be master of my own fate 
ready to forsake the arms of my first love
who died and bled so I could be free
ready to forget His promises
of true peace and true joy
ready to fling away His sacrifice
and put Him to open shame

Then I remembered, how the Lord has said
"You fool! Tonight your life will be required of you!"
and "Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?" 
and "So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth
and "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God"
I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes....
 
Scripture references in order of use (Proverbs 9:13-17, Revelation 2:4, Hebrews 6:6, Luke 12:15-29, James 4:4, Revelation 3:16, Luke 9:62, Job 42:6)




I wrote this today in response to some serious soul searching and repenting the past few days. It's meant to be a spoken word (that is a poem that is performed). I'm usually not much for creative writing, but occasionally I manage to produce something of marginal quality. 

The semester is in full swing now. It's week seven and things are getting hectic. I'm carrying 18 credits this semester (along with 10-12 hours of clinical), on top of attempting to write my Honors thesis, maintain two jobs and an active church involvement. Everyday there are a million things grasping for my attention. And sadly in all this noise, I lost my focus.

I stopped living for His glory and started living for my own.

I spent this weekend laid low with a stomach virus of epic proportions, hardly able to get out of bed until Sunday, and even then, only with great effort. However, praise the Lord for that stomach virus! It forced me to finally stop moving long enough to see the direction I had been heading. I can see that this illness was indeed mercy from the Lord. Had I continued any longer in my foolishness, I would have plunged right over the spiritual cliff I was heading towards.

I get so caught up with the cares of this world. The lure of academic and career success, of relational success in marriage, of physical success in training and dieting pulls me away from my God. It's so deadly because the cares of this world slip into my life and grab a hold of my heart so slowly as to be almost imperceptible.

It is so shameful, how I could I turn my heart away to idols? After all my dear, sweet savior has done for me, how could I give my love to another? As I consider the weight of my sin, I frequently weep. It was my sin that nailed my savior to the cross. God should have crushed me, cleansed the earth from the filthiness of my depravity. Yet, God choose to crush His Son instead. The only human being who never left a sin stain on this world. Jesus loved us, served us, healed us and taught us about God. Yet we crucified Him, as surely as if we nailed His bloody hands the cross ourselves.

I am praising God today for His eternal patience.