The CV Chronicles: An Open Letter to My Sister

And once again I find myself overwhelmed with thoughts and unable to sleep. I need to be sleeping, my day starts at 6:30 AM tomorrow, but recording my thoughts seems so much more important right now.

Where to begin? I really want to tell you about how incredible this last week was. I want to tell you about all the wonderful ways the Lord has worked in my life.

But honestly, all I can think about right now is my younger sister. Our relationship is very broken right now and this brings much grief to my heart. As painful as it is for me to admit, the current state of our relationship is almost entirely my fault. When I was an unbeliever, I never treated her right. I called her horrid names, held her to an impossible standard and criticized her every move. I refused to forgive the slightest offense. It was so wicked. I shudder when I remember my former ways. 

However, by the sweet, sweet grace of God when Christ entered my heart, all the animosity and bitterness I used to feel was washed away. It has been my aim these past three years to rebuild what I destroyed. Unfortunately, I've had very little success. Currently, my sister won't even talk to me.

I have a picture of her I keep in my wallet, I pulled it out and put it up on my encouragement wall so I would remember to pray for her. I've been writing her letters while I've been here at camp. My mom confirmed that she got them, but I don't know if she reads them. Please pray for our relationship.

If I could just get her to listen to me, this is what I would tell her:

Margaret,
      There are few things I regret more in my life than the way I treated you when we were growing up. If it were possible, I would take back every cruel, ungracious thing I've ever said to you. I am so ashamed of the way I treated you when we were children. I sinned against you and against the Lord. I used to be so angry at you constantly, but now that I know Jesus I am not that way any more. Jesus changed my heart Margaret and I pray that one day He will change yours as well and you will find it possible to forgive me. Jesus loves you and so do I. It is my dearest wish that one day we will be reconciled as not only biological sisters, but sisters in the Lord as well.
     I can tell you from experience Margaret that living a life a part from Christ is no life at all. Carrying around a heart full of anger will ultimately destroy you.

I am here anytime you need me.

Love, 

Sarah Jo

The CV Chronicles: Contentment In All Circumstances

The first week of camp is over. WOW. So much is happened in the last three weeks, I don't even know where to begin. I've wanted to write this blog for several days now, but my mind has been so swamped with thoughts and emotions, it's been out of the question. Attempting to formulate a coherent commentary of my time at CV has left me feeling like a hummingbird trying to find a perch. I'm hoping that my usual trick of writing at odd hours of the night will help me overcome the erratic mess that is my thought life.

First and foremost, I feel compelled to state that it is an incredible blessing to be here at CV. In my few short years at college I have spent time in six different countries and Alaska. I have seen glaciers and climbed active volcanoes. I've zip lined across rivers and tubed in a cave. But, all of that pales in comparison to the pure joy I have experienced in serving at this little camp in nowhere Alabama. To be with the Lord's people in a place where everything is designed to point people to the Lord is indescribable. All I do all day long is talk about the Lord. I have never been happier. The peace I feel is beyond understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). Hebrews 8:11 frequently comes to my mind as I go about my day here. Being here is a glimpse of heaven. 


It's not that my life does not have its trials by no means. I am uncertain as to weather or not my grandma will live to see the end of this summer, most of my scholarship money is getting cut next year and I have no idea how I am going to support myself, and in less that a year I will be graduating and in all likelihood, I will still be single, something I could never have imagined three years ago. 

However, for the first time in my walk with Christ, I can clearly see how God is using these trials as a refiner's fire. Whereas trials used to make me think God didn't care about me, now I know that the Lord is holding my hand through the storm. I am slowly learning to rejoice in all circumstances (I think all that time studying Philippians this year has really paid off). God is using these trials to draw my heart close to His, to purge my soul of sin and to make me totally dependent on Him. 

I spent a lot of time this past school year wrestling in my heart as I tried to comprehend how to give thanks to God for trials. I must have hashed it out a thousand times with one of my roommates, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. Nevertheless, God has once again proved Himself faithful and has shown me through my circumstances what it means to give thanks for trials.

I rejoice that no matter what the circumstances, God is good. 
I rejoice that God is sovereignly bringing about His will in my life.  
I rejoice that Christ is risen and my sins have been paid for.  
I rejoice because I know the fellowship of Christ sufferings.
I rejoice because God has heard the cries of my heart and He is our compassionate High Priest. 
I rejoice because My God is El Roi, The God Who Sees!  


God is using this place to constantly break my heart for the Gospel. I am so overwhelmed that the Holy God the the universe would choose before the beginning of time to redeem a wretch like me. It blows my mind everyday. I am moved to tears as I consider the great love that Christ demonstrated for His people at Calvary.  

More to come tomorrow, I've got to get some sleep so I can be awake for church in the morning. 
 

The Camp Victory Chronicles: Servant Leadership

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." 

~Mark 10:45~

This post marks the end of my first week at Camp Victory! What a week it has been. Lifeguard training ended Thursday. I am now officially a certified lifeguard (for the third time haha). On Friday, the rest of the counselor staff arrived. It was great to meet the rest of my team. I really enjoyed meeting everyone. To top it off, Jenna and Anthony arrived. It fills my heart with joy to have them here with me this summer. Most of the time that I have traveled, it has been by myself, or in the company of unbelievers. That has always been the thorn in my international traveling experiences. I tend to shrivel up on the inside without frequent, Christ-centered fellowship. Knowing that I'll still be able to to talk to someone about CV when I get back to Tampa is such a nice feeling. Someone who understands all the inside jokes and crazy memories that only make sense if you were there.

Yesterday and today were spent in counselor orientation. One of the big topics that has really been emphasized is servant leadership. I've been so impressed with and convicted by the servant's heart that the people here display. Everyone pitches in to help, without complaining and no one thinks they are too good to clean toilets. It's very humbling to realize just how selfish I still am.

There are certain advantages to being a single adult. More freedom for ministry and more personal discretion with your time. However, an unfortunate side effect is a tendency to become unintentionally very self-focused. I spend about 90% of my time doing things that directly benefit myself; I go to school so I can get the degree that I want, I work to pay my bills, I only cook and clean for myself typically etc. Granted, some of this is just a product of the season of life I am in. I don't have a family to take care of and if the Lord has called me to serve Him as a nurse, that requires a degree, which in turn requires a lot of commitment and time. However, CV is serving as a great reminder that the world does not in fact, revolve around me and my plans for the future (how surprising...haha)

Needless to say, I am hoping that this summer I will grow a lot in this area. In the providence of God my church has been studying the book of Philippians in our college and women's ministries the past few months. By the Grace of God I hope to apply this passage to my time here at camp:

^"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross."

~Philippians 2:3-8~

All in all, I feel so blessed to be able to a part of this ministry. It is so encouraging to be in a place where The Lord's name is proclaimed constantly. It is so clear to me that everything that we do is to point people to Christ. It's so refreshing to be in this environment after so many years at USF. I really hope that the Lord allows me to serve Him in full time ministry one day. 

The Camp Victory Chronicles: Strength in Weakness

"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10~

It was my intention to come to Camp Victory in peak spiritual condition. Doctrinally fit and prepared to answer all my campers difficult questions about God. I wanted to be the absolute best counselor I could be. I wanted to have all my ducks neatly in a row, ready to be everything my campers needed me to be. I was going to be in superior shape with my sanctification and closer to God then I'd ever been. I was going to be Sarah Jo, the super counselor!

Well, no surprise to anyone who knows me, and yet still a great surprise to me; I once again don't really have it all the way together. I feel so incredibly weak right now. It seems like everything that could go wrong these past month, did; every mistake I could make, I did make. And on top of that, I feel like all my spiritual short comings, temptations and bad habits have all manifested themselves simultaneously at full strength. I remember laying on my couch last week, after having cried my eyes out. Wondering 'Why is this all happening now? I have to go camp! I need to have it together! I've got stuff to do, this is not the time for things to be unraveling!'

The biggest temptation I face at times like these is to start to think in my heart that God doesn't care about the hurt I am experiencing. This leads me to shy away from prayer, which only makes me feel even more distant from God. It's a terrible downward spiral. It's time like this that I am so grateful for the Bible knowledge and doctrinal training that I've received at my church, Grace Bible. There is a rock of truth planted way down in my soul and I have built my house on that rock, and though the storms of life may howl, my house still stands.

No one said that life was supposed to be easy, or comfortable. In fact the Bible promises us that "In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted"(2 Timothy 3:12). And Jesus himself said that “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it." (Luke 9:23)

I forget these verses so easily. I get so attached to my worldly comforts, that when the Lord sovereignly removes them, I think that He is being unfair. When in reality, every good thing comes from the Lord, and no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly (James 1:17, Psalm 84:11). I don't deserve anything from God except damnation, so anything I have is a grace gift, to be given and taken away at the Lord's good pleasure.

On an entirely different note, if there's one things I've noticed about myself in the few short days I've been here, it is this: I am THE MOST selfish person to have walked the earth. Seriously, how did I become so self-centered? All I think about is my wants, my comforts, my desires. my, my my. It's enough to make you sick. In fact, I am sick, of myself. So please pray that this summer, I will die to myself and put others before myself.

"You don't know Jesus is all you need, till Jesus is all you have."

The Camp Victory Chronicles

Hello from Alabama! 

In case you haven't heard, I have decided to spend my summer serving the Lord at Camp Victory in Samson, Alabama.  I will be here until August. The camp serves children from grades 3-12 in different weeks throughout the summer. I'm really excited so see how God is going to grow my relationship with Him this summer. I'm also really looking forward to sharing the gospel with all my campers. 

Please pray for my campers. Please pray that I communicate the gospel clearly and effectively. Please pray that I lay down my life everyday for my girls and show them the love of Christ. 

Here are some preliminary photos I took in my free time today. The camp ground is really beautiful and I love being in the middle of nowhere. Being in nature makes me really happy. I'm excited to explore more of the grounds. Tomorrow starts lifeguard training. I think it's going to be a blast.

If you want to be awesome and write to me my address is:

363 Victory Circle Samson, Al 36477

Why am I in nursing school?

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” 

~Hebrews 12:1-2~

My pastor once told me that it is important to study the Bible in times of plenty to prepare for times of famine. That way we are ready to cling to the Word and to Christ when things start going haywire. It's so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day hustle and bustle of life and completely forget the reason why we do what we do. I've learned that it's important to counsel my own heart from the scriptures so that I do not fall into temptation. I wrote this to encourage myself when I'm having a rough time in school. Hopefully it will encourage you as well.

Why am I in nursing school? 

To bring Glory to God

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”

~ 1 Corinthians 10:3

 To advance the Gospel and Christ’s Kingdom 

To be a light unto the world

 

To serve

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." ~Mark 10:45

Why am I putting up with all this hard stuff?

I am required to pick up my cross daily

^“Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” ~Luke 9:23

To much has been given much is required

“But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more” ~Luke 12:48

It is a joy to suffer as Christ has suffered.

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” ~Romans 8:18

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” ~James 1:2-3

What should I remember when I have a bad day?

Go to God for comfort

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” ~Matthew 11:28-30

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” ~ 1 Corinthians 1:3-4

God is disciplining me, for my benefit, so that I will look more like Christ.

"Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. " ~ Hebrews 12:11

Sarah Jo, 

Take advantage of this opportunity to die to self. Lay aside all of your laziness and self-centeredness, your complaining spirit and your discontentment.  Seize the day for Christ. Put on humility, kindness, love and patience.

More thoughts on the Gospel

There have been many a dark night in my soul (as it were) over the course of my journey with Christ. Times where I have been tempted to give up and give in. Times where I thought my faith would fail. There was even a week where I was 100% convinced that I was a vessel of wrath prepared for destruction. Looking back, I see that these periods of soul tempest were a direct result of looking to myself for righteousness. In looking inward for goodness, I despaired, and rightly so! "For I know that in my flesh nothing good dwells" 

Oh the sin that plagues me so! The moment I think I have gained mastery over it, it rears its ugly head and overtakes me. I am 'prone to wander Lord, I feel it', " But where sin abounds, grace abounds much more"

Nevertheless, Christ is the compassionate savior. "When Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see him there, who made an end of all my sin"

"Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need" ~ Hebrews 4:14-16


I, who am the most unworthy, completely deserving of death "for the wages of sin IS death", once an enemy of Christ, has now been brought near by the blood of Jesus Christ. I am at peace with God because I have been justified by faith. False and full of sin I am! But, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. So now I will rejoice in God!



"I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life that I live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God..." 


Never, have I seen such love as the love that was poured out at calvary. How frequently am I moved to tears when I meditate on the never-ending love of God. Jesus "loves me for me, not for what I have done or what I will become"


For I have not come to the mountain that burned with fire, but I have come to Mount Zion, the City of the living God!


"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire."

  "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." ~Ephesians 6:11-13 




As the Indian hymn says, "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back..."

Soli Deo Gloria