And death came knocking

Death came knocking,
Arrayed in popularity, prosperity and the promise of fulfillment.
she called out
"stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant,
come to my house, and you will see,
that you can have all you ever wanted"

Enticed, mind raceing at all the possibilities
cracking the door for "just one peek!"
Not seeing that under that shimmering gown
there lay a corpse
And in her house, the dead are there
for her guests are in the depths of hell

Entranced, heart desiring to be master of my own fate 
ready to forsake the arms of my first love
who died and bled so I could be free
ready to forget His promises
of true peace and true joy
ready to fling away His sacrifice
and put Him to open shame

Then I remembered, how the Lord has said
"You fool! Tonight your life will be required of you!"
and "Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?" 
and "So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth
and "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God"
I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes....
 
Scripture references in order of use (Proverbs 9:13-17, Revelation 2:4, Hebrews 6:6, Luke 12:15-29, James 4:4, Revelation 3:16, Luke 9:62, Job 42:6)




I wrote this today in response to some serious soul searching and repenting the past few days. It's meant to be a spoken word (that is a poem that is performed). I'm usually not much for creative writing, but occasionally I manage to produce something of marginal quality. 

The semester is in full swing now. It's week seven and things are getting hectic. I'm carrying 18 credits this semester (along with 10-12 hours of clinical), on top of attempting to write my Honors thesis, maintain two jobs and an active church involvement. Everyday there are a million things grasping for my attention. And sadly in all this noise, I lost my focus.

I stopped living for His glory and started living for my own.

I spent this weekend laid low with a stomach virus of epic proportions, hardly able to get out of bed until Sunday, and even then, only with great effort. However, praise the Lord for that stomach virus! It forced me to finally stop moving long enough to see the direction I had been heading. I can see that this illness was indeed mercy from the Lord. Had I continued any longer in my foolishness, I would have plunged right over the spiritual cliff I was heading towards.

I get so caught up with the cares of this world. The lure of academic and career success, of relational success in marriage, of physical success in training and dieting pulls me away from my God. It's so deadly because the cares of this world slip into my life and grab a hold of my heart so slowly as to be almost imperceptible.

It is so shameful, how I could I turn my heart away to idols? After all my dear, sweet savior has done for me, how could I give my love to another? As I consider the weight of my sin, I frequently weep. It was my sin that nailed my savior to the cross. God should have crushed me, cleansed the earth from the filthiness of my depravity. Yet, God choose to crush His Son instead. The only human being who never left a sin stain on this world. Jesus loved us, served us, healed us and taught us about God. Yet we crucified Him, as surely as if we nailed His bloody hands the cross ourselves.

I am praising God today for His eternal patience. 

Thinspiration

If you've never heard of the above term, I would read this article. 

The idea of thinspiration is not a new concept to me. My younger sister actually introduced it to me as a way to motivate myself to loose weight in high school. I would toy with the idea of trying to follow their rules to achieve 'perfection'. I never followed through though. At that point in time I believed that this was a sign of gross personal failure. Now I see, that despite my indoctrination to the world of thin-at-all costs, I still had a semblance of a healthy psyche and healthy body image. Even as an unbeliever I knew there was something seriously sick and twisted about their way of thinking.

To be perfectly honest, even today, when I see so called "thinspiration," I am very tempted to believe the lies the pictures promote.

"If you were thinner, you'd be happier"
"If you were thinner, guys would like you more"
"No one will ever love you if you don't loose weight"
"You will never matter as long as you are fat" 

These lies are so deceptive and twisted. They will take over your life if you let them.  They are so dangerous because they strike right at the heart of a women. What woman can say that she does not, at the core of her, wish to be loved and cherished? Whenever I see pictures of 'thinspo', I am simultaneously disgusted and entranced. And sadly, sometimes I find myself wondering if perhaps they are right.

But these are lies. Lies straight from hell.

But, it is not enough to simply recognize the lie, we must also replace the lie with the truth.

The truth is, no matter how skinny you are, you will never feel skinny enough.
The truth is, if you hate who you are now, there is nothing you can do that will change those feelings.
The truth is, perfection is not attainable by human methods.
The truth, being skinny will not fulfill your deep desire for love and acceptance

All of these things will only leave you dry and empty, always searching but never satisfied.

Ladies, all of these lies must be addressed with the gospel. It is our only hope.

Jesus himself said: 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30) 

and,

 "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life." (Revelation 21:6) 

and once again,  

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." (John 6:35) 

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who 'Himself is our peace' (Ephesians 2:14), lived a perfect life, He never sinned, not even once (Hebrews 4:15-16). Yet, he choose to bear the eternal wrath of God for us, even when we hated Him (Romans 5:1-9). "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

Friends, if you have been struggling with an eating disorder. I just want to encourage you, there is hope! There is freedom from bondage to sin. If we run to Christ, He can make us whole.  Look to Christ!

Who Would You Save: Response

This is what am submitting as my answer to the question posed by my ethics teacher. You can see the question Here.

I am a follower of Christ. I attempt to make all of my decisions in accordance with the teaching of the Bible, as I believe it to be the word of God (though I am far from perfect in my understanding and application).  I have included scripture references, if you are interested in following my argument.

My Biblical Presuppositions:

1. No one deserves to be cured. No matter how they contracted the virus. It would be sinful to declare someone morally superior to another person, because no one is. (Romans 3:10, 3:23, 6:23, Isaiah 53:6).

2.  All people are created in the image of God and are of equal value.  (Genesis 1:27)

3. It is vanity to believe that we have the ability to “save” someone.  God is ultimately in control of life. He is sovereign. (Hebrews 9:27-29, Colossians 1:16, Job 14:5, Acts 17:25-16)

4. There is always a way out of every moral quandary. God will always provide a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). If this were a real situation God would make the correct choice apparent through prayer, bible reading and seeking wise counsel.

5. We must submit our selves to the will of God and be careful not to violate our consciences.

 6. God is merciful and loving, He works all things out for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28, Psalm 103)

My personal presuppositions: (not absolute and up for debate)

1. I believe that as a society we has a duty to protect and promote the welfare of our children first and foremost.

2. Generally, the policy for scarce medical resources (ex. organs for transplant) is to treat the sickest first and then those who are most likely to benefit and survive the treatment process.

Therefore these are my suggestions:

1. Go to great lengths to get more money and purchase more vaccines.

If this is nor possible:

2. Give everyone a ½ dose and pray.

If that is not possible:

3. Give the doses to those under 18 and then the five sickest adults.

Ultimately, we must not attempt to choose people based on their supposed value or worthiness.

Who would you save?

This is an assignment for my nursing ethics class. I want some opinions. Please tell me how you decided.

I will post what I submitted in a few days.

You have a vaccine that cures AIDS. But you only have 7. Who do you choose?

1) A 15 year old African American female was exposed to the virus through her 14 year old boyfriend. She comes from a two parent, middle class family, attends junior high school and is the fifth of nine children.
2) A 52 year of Caucasian business executive and father of four, recently released from a federal penitentiary where he served two years for insider trading on the bond market, contracted the virus during a minor medical procedure in the prison hospital. Currently, he is doing 1000 hours of community service teaching job skills and money management to inner city youths.
3) A 35 year old Hispanic mother of one child, 5 years of age, was exposed to the virus during an emergency blood transfusion. She has been happily married to her second husband for three years ( her first husband, the girl's father, left the community and maintains no contact with either of them).
4) A 40 year old single African United Nations refugee settlement worker is responsible for placing thousands of refugee children from war torn countries in permanent adoptive families. A member of an African tribe that practices polygamy, he was exposed to the virus through one of his mates. He has many children by a number of women.
5) A 23 year old single Caucasian female is training to become an Olympic athlete. Her family has made great sacrifices so that she might reach her full potential as an athlete. She is concerned that if she does not get the vaccine, she will not be able to repay them for the sacrifices they have made.
6) A 38 year old single Asian male is one of the few artists to have survived the persecution in his homeland and he seeks to perpetuate the artistic traditions of his people.
7) A 72 year old mother, grandmother and wife is the sole caretaker of her 76 year old husband who has severe arthritis.
8) A 49 year old white woman with four children (one of whom is developmentally disabled) is from an upper middle class background and was probably exposed to the virus during an extramarital affair.
 9) A 56 year old Hispanic male, with a wife and seven children, was also most likely exposed to the virus during an extramarital affair. He is a machinist and the sole support of his family.
10) A 20 year old single college student majoring in education has no idea how she became exposed to the virus and has not told her family that she tests positive for HIV.
11) An 18 month old baby was exposed to the virus through his mother, who has a full blown case of AIDS. His father has already died of the disease.
12) A 49 year old clergyman is the spiritual guide to the congregants of the largest church in the state. He has blessed thousands of babies, presided over hundreds of weddings and funerals, and provided solace and support to countless persons who needed it.
13) A 29 year old house husband takes care of a house and three children while his wife attends medical school and works part-time as a lab technician.
14) A 56 year old single Caucasian genetic researcher is close to completing work on finding a cure for diabetes, which has a good possibility to ultimately resulting in the perfection of a gene-altering procedure that would rid us of the scourge of diabetes.

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhod

"My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things — that I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Savior." ~ John Newton

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood is a volume edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem. It covers many different topics from male headship and biblical submission to the roles for women in the Church to the dangers of the modern feminist movement. I would highly recommended this volume to any Christian wishing to get a good understanding of the breath and depth of the many issues surrounding gender roles, identity and function from a biblical perspective.

I've been reading this book on and off over my time here in Alaska. It's been very good food for thought. I have particularly appreciated the chapter by Elizabeth Elliot entitled The Essence of Femininity: A personal perspective.  Elizabeth Elliot has always been a personal hero of mine and I have been blessed by many of her other books.  I enjoyed this chapter immensely because it shined some light on a burning question I have had for the past two years, 'What does it mean to be a Christian Woman?'

When I was a new believer, I nearly despaired of ever managing to be a 'good' Christian woman.  I thought I had to be quiet, non-confrontational and demure. Three things I most certainly was not! In my eyes, the perfect Christian woman was thin, stylish and short. She never spoke out of turn or gave her opinion or disagreed with someone. I knew that the girl I was previously could not longer be (a Proverbs 7 women, if there ever was one!). But, who to become I was unsure.

By the grace of God, over the past two years I have had the blessing of having many older Godly women pour into my life. Through their examples, I have seen that Christian women do not come prepackaged and saran-wrapped with flawless complexions and personalities. I have seen that God is personally responsible for molding and creating each of us with our own unique bodies and unique dispositions. I can also see that God is refining us to be more like His Son, not more like American's Next Top Model or more like Martha Stewart, Betty Crocker or Oprah. He has a unique plan for each of, and a unique identity to be found only in Christ. Some of us must learn to speak more boldly, and some of us, well...we must learn to shut up! I am so thankful for all the women at GBC, FBC and the Navigators who have personally invested in me and shown me what it means to be a women who loves the Lord.

This is just a piece of my ongoing journey to Biblical Womanhood:
(Maybe you will see part of your story in mine)

Growing up as a nominal Christian in public school, you could say that I did not develop the healthiest understanding of gender roles. For most of my childhood, I never strongly identified with the world of women. I knew I was a girl biologically, and I knew I wanted to grow up and marry a boy, but beyond that I was very confused. I had very few girl friends, and spent most of my time in what could be seen as traditionally boy pursuits. The truth was, I was afraid of girls. I had been teased for being overweight and ugly by a few girls in grade school, so I assumed all girls hated me. I believed what they told me, that I was ugly and would never be a real girl. So at some point in time, somewhere inside my head, I decided that if I couldn't be good at being a girl, I would be good at being something else. So I took up the defensive position. In order to save myself the pain of rejection, I became hard and bitter. Along with that I became arrogant, prideful and just plain mean. I did my best to always be 'one of the guys', because I felt safer there. I wanted to be the leader: strong, brave, independent, needing no one.

All of this was a farce to cover the ashes of my broken heart.

However, in high school things changed, I began to loose weight and all of a sudden I noticed that guys looked at me a little differently than they used to. 'Eureka!' I thought 'maybe if I have a boyfriend, then I'll be a real girl'. Because I was still dead in my sins and trespasses, this meant one thing to me: POWER. I quickly realized that if I dressed a certain way, talked a certain way, laughed a certain way, that certain types of guys would pay attention to me. Oh, how I loved attention! After years of being ignored, I could finally commandeer the attention I so craved. You could say a I began to prey upon men (boys really), hapless 'nerdy' guys who had as low a self-image as I did. I would flirt with them, attract their attention and loyalty for as long as I desired and then I would dispose of them. Oh what a beast I was! On the outside, I looked like any other teenage serial dater, but on the inside I was nothing more than a flirtatious, manipulative whore.

Then everything changed!

I met Him.

I met my real knight in shinning armor on September 28th, 2009. He  'delivered me from the power of darkness and conveyed me into the kingdom of the Son of His love...' (Colossians 1:13). He gave me a new heart and a new spirit, He took my heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). I met the man who will 'never leave me nor forsake me' (Hebrews 13:5). I met my savior, my redeemer, my greatest friend and true love, Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God.

This, my friends is why I am so thankful for the gospel! Jesus Christ redeemed me from from my former life! He is the only reason I am unashamed to tell you this story. The truth about who I used to be is one of the greatest shames of my life. But, Christ has taken my filthy rags and given me His robes of righteousness! He has taken my broken heart and made it whole. God is so gracious. I deserved death and eternal punishment for my sins, but instead He has given me life anew and the sure hope of eternity!

Therefore, I have renounced the hidden things of shame and through The Spirit put to death the deeds of the flesh. (2 Corinthians 4:2, Romans 8:13)

 and Therefore, "I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation for all who believe..." (Romans 1:16)

Alaska Wildfie Conservation Center

Today was an amazing day. I can't even begin to describe the things I've seen. We drove down to the town of Girdwood (about 45 minutes out of Anchorage). Lori has a year long membership to the Alaska Wildlife Conservation Center. It's a 200 acre home to over 100 animals (or so the signs say). The drive was incredible. The pictures speak volumes more then I ever could. I wish my mind had a USB port so I could download and preserve everything I saw today. Alaska is certainly the most unique place I have ever visited.

The Drive to Portage

Go Bulls!

Breathtaking

A "Ghost Forest"

 Interesting fact, in 1964 there was a massive earthquake in Alaska. It was the third biggest earthquake in recorded history and the biggest earthquake in North America. It completely destroyed the town of Portage (it was never rebuilt). In Portage the ground dropped ten feet, which caused salt water to rush in. This killed the trees, but at the same time preserved them, leaving behind "forests" of dead trees, aptly named ghost forests.

Wood Bison are only found in Alaska and Canada. They are very different from your typical plains bison.

My winter gear. It was 20 degrees outside, but I was toasty warm!

We also drove down to Portage lake. You can see glaciers there. Glaciers are hard to distinguish from the mountains in the winter, as everything is covered in snow. But, if you look closely you can see the clear blue ice of the glaciers in the hollows between mountain peaks.

For some size perspective: that's me sitting on the rocks.

The sunset reflecting on the mountains on the drive home.

The Ethics of Embryonic Stem Cell Research

            In recent years modern medical technology has advanced by leaps and bounds. There have been many new technologies and new developments. One such area of recent scientific development is stem cell therapy. Stem cell therapy is a very promising area of research. Research has indicated that stem cells could be used in the treatment (and even cure) of disease such as Alzheimer’s, diabetes, cancer, Parkinson’s disease and paralysis. Many scientists have heralded this research as the next, up-and-coming ‘wonder drug’. However, this emerging technology is not without it’s ethical concerns. Before diving into the ethical concerns surrounding stem cell therapy it is important to have a basic understanding of exactly what stem cells are and what stem cell therapy is. To put it succinctly, stem cells are cells that have not differentiated. Differentiation is the process a cell goes through to become specialized. There are over two hundred different types of cells in the human body and they all have their origin in stem cells. Every cell in the human body starts out as a stem cell. Stem cells have three general properties: they are capable of dividing and renewing themselves for long periods; they are unspecialized; and they can give rise to specialized cell types (“Stem Cell Basics”). There are many different types of stem cells. All stem cells fall under two broad categories; adult (tissue specific) stem cells and embryonic stem cells. Embryonic stem cells can differentiate into any type of cell in the body; they are referred to as Pluripotent stem cells. Conversely, adult stem cells are much more limited in their ability to differentiate, thusly they are called multipotent stem cells. Induced pluripotent cells are non-pluripotent cells that were engineered (‘induced’) to become pluripotent, that is, able to form all cell types of the body. In other words, a cell with a specialized function (for example a skin cell) was ‘reprogrammed’ to an unspecialized state similar to that of an embryonic stem cell. While IPS cells and embryonic stem cells share many characteristics they are not identical (“An Overview of Stem Cell Research”).

            Adult stem cells have been used in the treatment of many different diseases for a great number of years. Bone marrow contains blood-forming stem cells (hematopoietic stem cells) that have been used for decades to treat blood cancers and other blood disorders. Umbilical cord blood is another source of hematopoietic stem cells that is being used in treatment.

            There are very few ethical concerns arising from the use of adult stem cells for research, beyond the normal ethical concerns involved in research. However, that is most certainly not the case with human embryonic stem cells (hESC). Currently, research on embryonic stem cells may well be one of the most hotly contested ethical dilemmas in healthcare. Despite this, there is very little real understanding of the heart of the issue. In order to fully grasp the ethical quandaries presented by hESC research it is imperative to have a scientific understanding of exactly what is occurring during research. As we have already discussed, a stem cell is an undifferentiated cell. The National Institute of Health (NIH) defines human embryonic stem cells (hESC) as cells “that are derived from the inner cell mass of blastocyst stage human embryos, are capable of dividing without differentiating for a prolonged period in culture, and are known to develop into cells and tissues of the three primary germ layers.” A human being is considered an embryo from conception through the end of the second month. In order to manufacture hESC, scientists create an embryo (or use one left over from IVF), and after it undergoes several cycles of division they extract the stem cells. The extraction of the stem cells necessitates the destruction of the embryo. It is this fact that is the key issue of the hESC debate. The entire debate hinges on this one question: “is an embryo a human life?”

            The Britannica academic edition online defines biologic life as “Matter characterized by the ability to metabolize nutrients (process materials for energy and tissue building), grow, reproduce, and respond and adapt to environmental stimuli.” An embryo fits this description for the moment of conception. So we know that an embryo is alive, now is it a human life? Each human embryo contains the DNA to become a genetically distinct human life. It would be unethical to define human life by age, developmental status, usefulness, or ‘wantedness’. Therefore, an embryo being by definition alive and by genetic design a human, is a human life worthy of protection. Human life is priceless, from the very moment of conception to the last breath. The creation and destruction of human embryos violates every single ethical criterion. It goes against nonmalevoelce (do no harm) as it kills a living human being. It also defies autonomy, as that embryo does not have a say in what is happening to it. It defies benevolence for obvious reasons and well as Justice. Where is the justice in killing a child before it’s even a week old? There is therefore no ethical way to use hESC for research. To deny that the prospects of hESC research is anything less than thrilling would be futile, nonetheless it is vital that we tread with caution. It is imperative for the sake of our generation and future generations that we continue to uphold the ethical and moral principles that have held our society together. To abandon our integrity for any reason is to step unto the path of self-destruction.

            The question remains as to what to do with the surplus of human embryos left over from IVF and other fertility treatments. As we have already discussed, using human embryos for research is unethical. Different pro-life ethicist have come up with solutions one such solution is to place the embryos up for adoption. Several organizations have been created for this purpose.

            In conclusion, creating human life for the specific purpose of destroying it or performing experiments on it is grotesque. Doing the wrong thing in hopes of achieving the right outcome is never acceptable. People have used the argument of ‘the end justifies the means’ to justify many inhumane, horrific acts. As a nation it is imperative that we do not give into the pressure to compromise our values for the sake of finances. The maintenance of integrity is worth every cost and every sacrifice. If we are to survive as a nation it is imperative that we protect the sanctity of human life, at all stages of development.