Alaska (part 2)

I've been in Alaska for 3 days now. It only get's more beautiful as the time goes on. It was 39 degrees and raining when we left church yesterday. It was....weird. I never thought I'd come to Alaska and get rained on of all things. I've really been enjoying it here. It's so wonderful not to have to think about school or work. Lori has been an amazing host. It's wonderful to just sit and talk to her. I don't get much time to just sit around and talk about life when school is in session. Plus, since Chase and Her are only ten years older then me, I really look to them for where I want to be in ten years. I would absolutely love to have a family like they do one day.

I spent part of yesterday evening laying legos with the boys. I was never much of a Lego kid myself, I always played with knex. But, the boys LOVE legos. I made a carriage! The boys are so creative and so imaginative and they play really well together (for the most part haha).

Today, I shoveled snow for the first time! (Insert sarcastic 'woohoo' from my northern friends). But hey, for a Florida girl, it was a big deal! My cousins have a snow blower, but it was having mechanical issues so I ended up clearing most of the driveway by hand with a shovel. I really enjoyed it, honestly. It was a great workout! I might just volunteer to do that job for the rest of the time I'm here just to have something active to do. I started running three times a week back in September, so my body's gotten acclimated to a certain level of activity. I feel weird just sitting around not doing anything physical. Plus, my arms could really use some toning (haha).

Austin is my most willing photo partner

Funny Faces!

Here are some photos I've taken around the house and neighborhood.  These don't even begin to do it justice.

 Lori leaves tomorrow morning for Alabama. Then it's just gonna be me and three kids for five days straight. I'm excited and a little nervous. I've been working as a nanny for almost seven years now, but this is certainly going to be my longest time on my own with children. Sometimes I feel with all the work I do with kids, you could just call me insta-mom (lol). But, I'm not mom, no matter how much time I spend with someone else's children, they will always be someone else's children. I will always be second best for hugs or comfort for a scrapped knee. I can't wait to be mom to some 'little people' (as Lori calls her kids) one day.

Alaska (Part 1)

So I haven't written in a while. You see, the funny thing is, when life is good, I don't have much to say.  And this semester, by the grace and mercy of God, was very good. 

I am once again traveling. It has become glaringly obvious that I've been bitten by the travel bug. This is my third trip this year. I've managed to make it to Jamaica and Honduras, and after I get back to Tampa, I'll be going on a cruise to Belize and Mexico!

I am writing this post from Eagle River, Alaska! Eagle river is located about 30 minutes outside of Anchorage. I left Florida at 6:30 AM yesterday morning and after three flights, two layovers and fourteen hours I arrived in Alaska at 4 PM local time.  This is the farthest north I have ever been. I am here visiting my cousin Chase and his wife Lori and their three Children. Chase is the oldest son of my Dad's oldest brother. He's a captain in the army and got stationed here a year ago. It was so incredibly kind of them to fly me out here. This is a once in a life time kind of trip.

Want to know something awesome? I wasn't supposed to get to see my cousin before he deployed, but I asked the Lord if I could just get to have dinner with him the night I flew in. And guess what? The Lord answered prayer! Not only did I get to eat dinner with him and his family, I got to spend the whole evening with them. God is so faithful.

I cannot even begin to describe how amazingly beautiful this place is.  I feel like I'm in a movie. The trees with snow on them look just like the movies. Oh! and the mountains! They're huge! The pictures really don't do them justice. They look almost blue. I went out and played in snow for the first time. It was so surreal. I mean, two days ago I was sweating as went for a run in 80+ degree weather. I made a snow angel! Also, contrary to popular belief it's not always dark here. We get about 6 hours of daylight, It gets light around 10 AM and dark around 4 PM. It was very disorienting to wake up at 8:30 AM and have it still be dark.

My first snow Angel!

I would say I look like the abominable snowman, But I feel like that would be doing him a disservice

 

Who would have thought a Florida girl could make it this far?

In other news, I'm done with my second semester of nursing school! Two down, three to go! I'm just praising the Lord that i've made it this far. I've been in college for 6 semester now, WOW.

The Death of an idol (finally)

I have dreamed of having my own family since I was a little girl. Dreamed, schemed, plotted and planned. It was the thing I wanted most in my life and I wanted it bad. Once I turned 18, the hunt was on. The goal: Find a husband or die trying. I pleaded with the Lord "give me a husband or I'll die!" I was convinced that there was no worse fate then prolonged singleness. I mean everyone knows what happens to women who are single after the age of 25. They end up living alone, or worse yet living in the back bedroom of their parents home passing away the years until they die. Doomed to a lonely, purposeless, bitter existence. Always the bridesmaid, but never the bride. Forever wiping the noses of other people children, never really experiencing life at its fullest. Watching as everyone in her life eventually leaves or dies. For all intensive purposes, alone in this world, a nobody.

Okay, so maybe I'm a bit dramatic.

However,  things have changed over the past few months, 

For the first time in my life I'm not afraid of being single any more. It's the strangest feeling I have ever felt. I never thought I would be able to say that. For so long, I was so consumed with this idea of family, I couldn't think straight. I was so scared of being alone. I looked to family to provide everything I thought I ever needed; love, acceptance, security, identity.

Everything I should find in Christ.

We serve a patient God do we not? Can I get an amen?

I am reminded of the story of of Jesus' encounter with a Samaritan women in John 4. Though she has had five husband and I have had none, we are more a like then we are different. Both of us were thirsty, thirsty in more ways then we knew. Both of us had grown weary of trying to drink from our own cisterns, only to have what we thought was water turn to dust in our mouths. 

Jesus told that women "Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:13-14)

Oh Lord, may your word become to me a fountain of life springing up inside of me. 

Dissapointed by Jesus

Sometimes things don't go the way I had hoped. The pain and disappoint from the death of a dream can be excruciating. The question that always burns in my my mind is "why?."

"Why, Lord, why?" Why are you taking something that has been so good? I thought this was your will? What changed? Why do things always have to be so hard?"

It is in these moments that I must cling as tightly as possible to the Word of God. For "man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD." (Deuteronomy 8:3). Scriptures says that "whom the LORD loves He chastens". We are commanded not to despise the discipline of the Lord. For though it is painful, God has promised that it will yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12).

I am moved and comforted by the intensity of the love The Lord has for us, his children. He has continually provided over and above my needs. I will praise him for all that He is.

The promises of God found in the pages of Scripture are a continuous source of comfort to me. I have prayed before that God would give me the faith to believe these words, and through this circumstance I have come to see that he has answered my prayer.

I serve a God who has declared that his love is from everlasting to everlasting. (Psalm 103:17)

" Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you. (Isaiah 49:15)

"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6)

He has also said that he is working all things out for my good (Romans 8:28). And That " No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly" (Psalm 84:11)

The Lord's timing is so far beyond my comprehension. I just finished reading Trusting God by Jerry Bridges (a must read for every christian). And looky here, a perfect opportunity to trust God in all things.

A very special young man once told me that

"He who deserves nothing, should be content with anything."

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/disappointed-by-jesus

Honduras

Dear friends and family,

I have wonderful news to share with you. The Lord has graciously allowed me to have the opportunity to go serve a missionary family for two weeks in Siguatepeque, Honduras. This will be my first short term missions trip. While I am there I will be helping out with the daycare for single mothers and the medical clinic that they run. I will be leaving in four weeks! Things sure change fast for me!

PLEASE pray for the Patterson family (the missionaries). Pray for the work they do in sharing the gospel. Pray that God will be glorified in everything we do. Also, please pray that God will use this opportunity to conform me more to the character of his Son.

If possible, would you prayerfully consider supporting me financially? I need to raise $600 for my plane ticket and room/board. Any extra money that is raised will be donated to the missionaries. If you're interested please feel free to email me or call me with any questions.

You can mail checks to me at:
Sarah Jo Spears
11711 N. 50th St. Apt. 207B
Tampa Fl, 33617

An open letter to my father

Daddy,

Tomorrow is Father's day and I should probably be studying right now, as I have two exams Monday morning. However, be that as it may, I've been thinking a lot about you today. I wanted to wish you a happy Fathers Day. I know that I haven't always been the best at keeping up with birthdays and holidays, especially since I've moved to Tampa. So, I hope this letter will suffice.

I worked 12 hours today. It was a long day. But you know, whenever I think about how hard I have to work, I remember that I have never worked (and probably never will) as hard as you have. I remember growing up watching you go to work at all hours of the night. I remember you working out in the hot sun for 16+ hours, only to come home, sleep for a few hours and then get up and go to work again. You showed me to never be afraid of hard work. That is one of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned.

Despite how much you had to work, you always had time for us. You were there for us every weekend. To take us out on the lake, or out on our four-wheelers. You came to more of my band performances than anyone else.

And one thing, thank you for disciplining me. I might have hated you when I didn't get my way, But, everyday I am more and more grateful for the discipline you instilled in me. There are so many kids out there these days in self-destruct mode because they never learned to control themselves. Even when I was a rebellious teenager, and I thought that I hated you, I never did, I always knew that you were my dad and that you were on my side.

Dad, I don't think i've ever told you, but I am so proud that you are my daddy. God could not have given me a better father. You have overcome so much in your life. You have made me believe in giving people second chances. Because of you, I know that it is possible to overcome any obstacle. You taught me to be brave and to stand up for what I believe in.

I know sometimes you feel like you weren't a a good dad, that you could have done better. But I want you to know that I that I thank God for you everyday. You have made me the woman I am today. I never would have made it this far without your instruction. You taught me to stand on my own two feet and to stand by my beliefs, for better or for worse.

You gave me a better childhood than any one person deserves. I remember being little and crawling in your lap and asking for a "sip of your tea" and you always gave me some, even though mom didn't like us drinking it. I remember laying in bed and hearing the sound of your motorcycle pulling up into the driveway and drifting off to sleep knowing I was safe cause you were home. I remember being a teenager and running into your room in the middle of the night to wake you up so you could kill the "giant" spider in the hallway. You always would. I remember going to car shows, gun shows, motorcycle shows and flea markets together. Truth be told, I never got into most of that stuff, but I loved being with you. I loved when it was just me and you. If I was going to draw a picture of what happiness looks like I would draw a picture of me and you, riding in a truck with the windows down on a cool spring day, eating boiled peanuts and listening to country music.

Daddy, I hope I make you proud. I try really hard at school because I know you worked hard to help me get here. I hope that you are pleased with the choices I have made. I am, and always will be your princess.

I love you with all of my heart,
Sarah Jo

Dicontentment Part 2

I'm half way though my first semester of nursing. It blows my mind that the summer has passed so quickly. Being in nursing school is different than anything else I've ever experienced. It's honestly a full time job. I've really been struggling with being discontent. I feel like I shouldn't have to be here, shouldn't have to being doing all this school work in the summer. I have gotten to the point where I wish I was anywhere but here. I can hardly stand going on facebook anymore because all I see is everyone else getting to do everything I wish I was doing. I'm tired of getting up early, I'm tired of studying all the time, tired of being around stressed out exhausted people constantly. Please pray for me.


I wrote this in class today:

"I never realized,
when I let that first thought
sink down in my heart
That it would come to this

like an Israelite
accusing God, blaming God
"Why did you bring us out here to die!"
Lusting after meat, after milk
Desiring to create a God they could control

Never satisfied

Discontentment, a thorny weed
Choking the life of the branches
fruit, once ripe, sweet, now shriveled, bitter

I have made my bed amidst the thorns
seeking what can never be found there
Looking for something to ease the ache
Yet, the more I turn over and over
The more the thorns tear my flesh"

In my foolishness I could not see how allowing myself to dwell on the things I could not have, would steal the joy of the things I do have.