I hate violence.

I HATE Violence. Everyday, people beat up the homeless for fun, rape little girls to fulfill their fantasies and shoot people for the petty cash in their wallets. This is reality. Yet we watch it for entertainment? How can we allow this into our homes?

People say to me "Oh, it's not real, it just T.V., everybody knows it's not real."

Come on, please. Who do you think you're kidding?

We are so ridiculous. Why do we deceive ourselves? Do we honestly believe we are above the influence of the media we feed ourselves?

Look, I'll put it to you straight friends. We use media to entertain ourselves, we watch movies (or read books, or listen to music etc.) for entertainment, correct? Therefore if there's violence in your media, you are being entertained by it.

"Oh, no I just ignore it, I watch the movies because I like the plot (or the special effects or the actors etc.)."

Lame excuse, try again.

Even if that were true, then by default, not only are you desensitizing yourself to violence, you are teaching yourself to ignore violence. You often hear complaints that American ignore the plight of those less fortunate (the homeless, the people of Darfur, children in the sex slave industry etc.). We ask "How can we ignore these people who desperately need our help?"

How?

Because we practice it on a daily basis.

Every year, movies get more and more violent. Things that would have been unacceptable, five ten years ago, are accepted without question now. That means as a society we are needing more and more violence to satisfy our appetites. Can't you see what an addiction it has become?

"But I really like all the cool forensic science stuff on T.V., it can't be all that bad."

We all know T.V. crime scene dramas only show the "cool" part of the crime. But, what about the wretchedness that is the reality for actual crime victims?

How much agony do parents of kidnapped children go through as they wait day after day, sitting by the phone, clinging to hope that somehow their baby is still alive and they will get to hold them again? What about the victims of rape? Where is their consolidation? Does catching the rapist heal them? How often does that actually happen? Every drama ends so neatly, but is that a reality for most rape victims? How many nights do they lay awake, afraid to sleep because of the nightmares that won't go away?

Friends, I am pleading with you. Think about what you are doing. There is so much untold suffering in this world, the least we can do is not exploit it for entertainment.

Our lives here in America our so...sanitary. Most of us will never have to experience what is the daily reality for so many people. We will never go hungry, never have to worry about soldiers invading our home. We are one of the wealthiest, most privileged nations to ever exist in human history.
Or maybe you are the victim of violence. For that, whatever your circumstances, I am deeply sorry.

"Okay, so I won't consume media that has violence in it any more, will that satisfy you?"

It is not enough to simply avoid doing bad things, we must begin to replace our wrongdoing with righteousness.

"Therefore, putting away lying, “ Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. ²⁹ Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:25-32

As Americans, there is so much we can do without ever even leaving the comfort of our homes. We don't have to be the leader of a huge charity to make an impact, we don't have to sell everything we own and move to Africa to work with orphans (though those are noble things). We grossly underestimate the impact of living simply.

It's nice when we can do big things to help people, huge fund-raising projects, awareness campaigns, things that everybody notices. But, how much more of challenge is it to do the little things that that nobody notices? Denying yourself daily is the key.

This is what I have realized. I do not know what God has planned for my life. What I will do after I graduate, I haven't the faintest idea. But, this I do know. TODAY, I will do my best to be faithful in the little things. It starts with today, God has called me to be faithful today. Not tomorrow, not when I'm old and I'm done having fun. God calls for obedience today.

Luke 16:10

"He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in what is another man’s, who will give you what is your own? “No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.”

And as paraphrased by The Message:

^10-13Jesus went on to make these comments:

If you're honest in small things,
you'll be honest in big things;
If you're a crook in small things,
you'll be a crook in big things.
If you're not honest in small jobs,
who will put you in charge of the store?
No worker can serve two bosses:
He'll either hate the first and love the second
Or adore the first and despise the second.
You can't serve both God and the Bank.

There seems to be a disconnect in our thinking. We see evil on a national scale and don't understand that its just a magnification of the evil that we do.

Environmental issues? Magnification of the fact that sometimes I don't take the extra step to recycle.
Human rights issues? Magnification of my own selfishness.
Animal rights issues? Magnification of the fact that sometimes I get to busy to pay attention to my dog.

I don't want to live my life ignoring the poor and the destitute.
Let us rise up as a generation and plead the cause of the broken, the poor and the destitute to the ends of the earth.

Ezekiel 16:49-50 (NKJV)

"Look, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: She and her daughter had pride, fullness of food, and abundance of idleness; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. ⁵⁰ And they were haughty and committed abomination before Me; therefore I took them away as I saw fit."

and as paraphrased by The Message:

"The sin of your sister Sodom was this: She lived with her daughters in the lap of luxury—proud, gluttonous, and lazy. They ignored the oppressed and the poor. They put on airs and lived obscene lives. And you know what happened: I did away with them."

Back in G-land

I'm back at my house, for what may be one of the last times. I will be here for three weeks before heading up to Tennessee for Smoky Mounatin Summer, Summer Training Program (SMS STP) with the Navigators.

I was going to write about how I've been home less then 12 hours, and I'm already lonely. But, as awake as I am right now, I don't feel like whinning. Transitioning back into family life is difficult. But, I need to grow up and deal with it.

God's Love letter to me

So I've been thinking a lot lately about God's love. To be frank and honest, sometimes I don't understand that he loves me. I understand from a theological, theoretical perspective, sort of, you know, God has to love us because yada, yada, yada... But feeling it, that's another thing. So I imagined exactly what it would like if God wrote me a love letter

Dearest Sarah Jo,

I have been absolutely fascinated with you since the day you were born. I waited and planned for you since the beginning of time. You don't see it now, but you were born at exactly the perfect time, for such a time as this, to give you the most fulfilling, abundant life possible. Darling child, you are so precious to me. I crafted you in secret, molded you down to the last freckle. I cheered when you took your first step, laughed when you made your first friend, and I cried with you when Draper broke your heart.

When you grew older and you were far from me, I never stopped calling for you, never stopped caring for, never stopped protecting you. Even when your back was towards me, when you pushed me away, when you spit on me, I loved you still. When you finally heard my call and came home, I came running to you when you were still a far way off. I know everything about you. I know the secrets you try to hide from your past, I know you way down deep. But guess what? Not only do I love you, I like you! I like you so much, I gave you eyes to see the sunset so I could woo you every evening

You are so passionate, I love that about you (I made that, for a reason, don't you know). You are such a delight to me. Not because you've done anything, not because you haven't done something, not because you're going to do something, but because I choose to. I AM, and that's just the way it is.

I know sometimes you feel like you're an embarrassment to me. But, the beauty of Calvary is, when I look at you, I see Jesus. I see who you really are, I see who I created you to be. One day you'll see it too. Untill that day, just trust me. Remember that things work out for YOUR good Sarah-bara. I AM with you always

With everlasting Love,
God

"How precious are your thought to me, O God, How great is the sum of them."
"If I should count them they would be more in number then the sand"
"When I am awake I am still with you"
Psalm 139

Humility

Humility has been the theme of this year so far, specifically my lack of it. The bible says that God HATES pride (proverbs 6:16, 11:2). Every day it seems like I get knocked down from another pedestal. You'd think i'd learn the first time, but no, not me, I'm a slow learner. In fact, it wouldn't be that far from the the truth to say that I have a mountain of pedestals, a staircase of arrogance leading up to the golden image I've created of myself.

I like to play pretend that I'm this mature, spiritual adult who really has this whole Jesus thing figured out. But, that's a lie (interesting enough, though I can't really manage to lie very well to others, I sure can lie to myself most effectively). But, I'm a baby, I'm still drinking out of a bottle for goodness sakes. I know nothing. I used to sit in church and listen to people speak and pat myself on the back for my understanding of the scriptures, for how much historical background and facts I knew. Now I struggle to comprehend even the most basic of Christian life principals. I can say that I know things, but my actions revel just how ignorant I really am.

"You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." Revelation 3:17

So I have an apology to make
To everyone who has had to deal with the brunt of my arrogance

I am sorry

I am sorry that a lot of the time I treat conversations like a battle to win. I concentrate more on being right, then on truly listening to you, more on proving my point, then on getting to know and love you.

I am sorry that more often then not I am quick to point out exactly how you are wrong before I even listen to what you have to say.

I have taken a faith that is rich and life-giving, a truth that can make you whole and bastardized it. I've turned the message of hope that is Jesus Christ into a narrow list of Do's and Don'ts, that excludes out of self-righteousness rather then includes out of love. I have cheapened the Gospel.

I am sorry for my lack of listening. I know I've hurt people, and I regret it.

I apologize for the way my pride, arrogance and self-righteousness has made me blind to the needs of others.

I made the mistake of thinking that my foremost responsibility in life is to convince you that my view point is right. But, this a lie born of foolishness and pride.

I am a pharisee, I have strained out a gnat and swallowed a camel.

I am now aware that the message of Christ is one of love and hope, not morality and self-righteousness.

I have exchanged the truth for a lie.
I will do this no more.

For all of this I am truly, truly sorry

Having come to the realization that I have been a pharisee, I was greatly disturbed. The only people Christ ever condemned were the pharisees, the only people he ever got mad and yelled at. Over and over, he specifically warns us that we are not to judge, that only God has the righteousness to Judge. He warns us that by whatever measure we judge, we will also be judged (Matthew 7:1).

As I was meditating on all that God had shown me about my sin. I thought "will God forgive me for all of this? Can he forgive me for all of this?" I almost laughed at myself, because I remember growing up in church and hearing people ask that same question. I remember thinking that they were stupid for even feeling that way. But today, I empathized. I understand now how one can feel unforgivable. I felt that way today. I understand how one can feel like they've finally gone to far. I felt that way today.

BUT!!! This is the gospel, right here! This is the key. It's not about our righteousness, our deeds (or misdeeds) or anything we do. It's about Christ work at Calvary, it's about his righteousness!
That's the beauty of it, the mystery that I often overlook. God chose me, before I had done anything and he has still chosen me after everything that I've done.

I recently heard a message on the prodigal son. In the past I've always aligned myself with the older brother. I totally understood his anger. Why should God forgive his lazy spoiled younger brother? You could have called me Jonah, angry at God for being merciful and kind.

But, now I see that I am the prodigal son. I have squandered my inheritance on wicked things. I have lost everything because of my sin. I have been so hungry that I have eaten the rotting flesh of this world.
When the prodigal son came home, his father ran to him when he was a far way off. He didn't wait for him to finish dragging himself to the door, he didn't wait for him to take a shower and get clean enough to be presentable, he didn't wait for him to grovel and his feet.

He ran out to meet him!!!

God came running to me when I was yet a far way off, when I was still covered in the grime of my sin.

The father gave his son his best robe, his signet ring (the ring signified that the son had the authority that the father did as the owner of the estate), he slaughtered the fattened calf (the most expensive animal).

'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'

– (Luke 15:31-32, NIV)

I am alive in Christ. Praise the Lord

"Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!" Revelation 5:12

Things you never know about yourself

It's funny, how you think you know yourself, then one day you realize that you have a lot of misconceptions about the kind of person you are, in fact you're just plain wrong on a couple of things.

This has been happening to me fairly regularly as of late (I think that's a part of growing up, I don't know, 'cause I've never grown up before lol). One of the things I've realized about myself recently is that I'm pretty high strung. I always figure I was a pretty relaxed person, you know a free spirit. But, no I'm not, I'm a rule follower and moderately conformist, I don't like to make waves (to bad my beliefs create a tidal wave every time I open my mouth). I'm also really passionate, when I care about something, I care.

The other thing I realized is that I'm passionately pro-life. The had a display today down by the marshal center from a pro-life group. I realized how much I care about the atrocity that abortion is. All things aside, no matter what your excuse is for why you think abortion should be legal, it comes down to "is it wrong to take another human beings life?" if you answer yes then "when is a human, a human?" I choose to believe that what makes a human being human is the fact that they have DNA distinctly different from any other person (except in the cases of twins, which is the one exception, they're still humans duh) that can never be replicated ever again. There will never be another you, each person is unique. A unique set of DNA is created at conception, this is why life begins at conception.

I am pro-life. I think each person is a unique individual created by God, given life by God and we have no right to take it away.

*note, I also believe that using contraception is wrong, but I'll probably getting around to talking about that later.

Grace

Grace is a God thing my friends. It is beautiful, mysterious and wonderful.
If you know me, you know that I'm pretty intense sometimes (well most of the time)



When someone gives you grace, its like a burden has been lifted off your shoulders. Then you can give yourself grace and remember that the Lord remembers your frame, he know what you are human (Psalm 103)

Birthday

Well today I am a whole 'nother year older. I have officially occupied this earth for a full 19 years. It's amazing how fast time flies (I know, I know it's cliche, but that doesn't mean it's not also true).

As birthday's go this was a rather nice one. It was beautiful weather for February outside. I had breakfast with my friend Crystal, lunch with my friend Jenn and dinner with just about everybody I could manage to round up. I also got to skype with my friend who is studying abroad in Japan, that is always a blessing. On top of that, my parents came over yesterday and took me out for lunch. It was good to talk to them and spend time with them. I love both of them so much.
I am so richly blessed with friends and family. I honestly feel like a rich women when I am around them. Never in a million years did I ever consider that I would be so blessed.

Birthdays always make me think about things. Like what I've done, where I'm going, who I am, who I'm going to be be etc.
I had a fairly eventful 19th year. I graduated from high school, gave my life to christ, flew to California for a week to visit my brother, taught swimming for 14 weeks straight, went on my first backpacking trip, moved to Tampa, started college, made tons of friends, joined the navigators, went to a football game, learned how to long board, learned how to swing dance, won free boba three times!, managed to pull through with straight A's, spent four weeks with the family, went on a daniel's fast for forty days, came back to college, made more friends, had more fun...

I've changed and grown in more ways then I can imagine. I guess that's what supposed to happen? Who knows, honestly?

I guess I'm still figuring out this whole adult thing. Which is slightly ridiculous, considering I've been a legal adult for a year now. Well, everything in God's timing I suppose...

Mostly, I've been learning to lean on God and trust him completely. It's been an adventure to say the least. I have a terrible tendency of clinging tightly to my plans and the false sense of security they bring. God decided to remove that from my character recently and believe me, my stubbornness made it less then fun.

I had been really set on going to a Navigator STP (summer training program), I had talked with people, prayed about it and even filled out the application. But unbeknown to me, my family has been planning to take a three week road trip to California and back this summer. So that's just one of those family activities you just don't miss, if you know what I mean. At first I was really upset, "my" family was intervening on "my" plans. This is a very bad attitude to have, in case you're wondering. So I was filled with anxiety all week long. Until I went for a long run and finally told God "you know what, fine, it's not my summer, it's not my time, it's not my life, it's not my decision, if you want me to chill with my family all summer long, fine, i'll do what you want." Now, if only I can learn to say that right away with a willing and submissive heart. One step at a time I guess...

So here I am, I'm not sure what I'm doing this summer, I'm not sure where I'm living next year (I applied to be an RA and I don't find out for a couple of weeks), I don't know where I'm going after graduation, in fact I don't know much of anything about anything past the end of this week.

It used to really bother me when I didn't have a plan. I was the girl with a plan (and an opinion, but that's another topic for later discussion), I took great pride in my ability to plan and control my life. Which come to think of it is probably why that part of me had to go. Never could manage to make pride and God fit in my heart, go figure.

Here I am world, broken in Christ arms, ready to love like crazy.