X-TAWG

This morning I attended my first X-TAWG which is Navigator jargon for extended time alone with God. Basically, you spend a Saturday morning chilling with the creator of the universe. Sounds cool right? I didn't have a lot of expectations going in (so what exactly am I supposed to do with 3 hours, really?). However, despite this, I ended up having a great time. The hours literally flew by, I could have gone on for the rest of the day honestly. When we were praying as a group to wrap things up I was honestly saddened that it was over. I wanted to go back to being with God.

I learned a lot in just a few sweet, precious hours. I started out just journaling about something that had been making me sad lately. The funny thing that I've realized recently is that, for some reason or another, I have a pretty hard time approaching God when I'm upset (sad, angry, lonely, etc.). My general response when something upsets me is to retreat inside myself until I have a handle on my emotions. I'm perfectly okay with letting God know how happy I am about something, but when something bothers me I don't want to talk about it. It was hard to sort through all that but then I started reading in the Psalms. Another funny thing, is I've never really had a hard time relating to the God described in the Old Testament but a much harder time understanding the grace of Jesus Christ (I think most people are the other way around?)

So when I started reading Psalm 139, 103 and 104, I was moved to tears. God loves me in all my brokenness, with all my emotional baggage. There was a moment when I was sitting outside the marshal center in the amphitheater, it was warm and a gentle breeze was flowing, there was no one around and God really spoke to me and he said loud and clear "I am with you".

Psalm 103

A Psalm of David.

1 Bless the LORD, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
(I love verses 3 -5. God does so much for me)
6 The LORD executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.
(God cares for the downtrodden and he will bring about justice for them)
7 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel.
8 The LORD is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
9 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.
(I think this amazing. I used to feel like God was out to punish me, that he was like one of those people who would kick you when you're down. But, I've discovered the truth, a lot of the time God protects us from the really consequences of our sins, simply because he loves us. He does this daily and he did it ultimately when he crushed his son for our sins. How wonderful is that?)
11 For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
(We don't have to carry to burden of our guilt anymore! We're free, We are free! All the pain, guilt and shame have been taken off of us. How beautiful is that?)
13 As a father pities his children,
So the LORD pities those who fear Him.
14 For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.
(he know that we're human, that we're going to make mistakes, but he is patient and waits for us with open arms)
15 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16 For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.^a]">[a]
17 But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
18 To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

19 The LORD has established His throne in heaven,
And His kingdom rules over all.

20 Bless the LORD, you His angels,
Who excel in strength, who do His word,
Heeding the voice of His word.
21 Bless the LORD, all you His hosts,
You ministers of His, who do His pleasure.
22 Bless the LORD, all His works,
In all places of His dominion.

Bless the LORD, O my soul!

New Beginings

So I'm already into the second week of my second semester as a college student. My how time flies.

I can't believe the way things are changing. It's like my life's been turned on its head. Things I used to care about, hardly seem mentioning any more. I've really settled into this whole college thing. I feel like I'm starting to get things figured out.

Look out USF, momma Sarah has arrived...

Well I've been at USF for six full days now. I mean full days. Gods got my wheels turning and I'm ready to go!

If you ever heard me talk about relationships you know that it's something I've struggled with. I grew up a tom boy. I spent most of my time hanging around guys and thinking that most girls were nasty and not worth knowing. Friendship wise, I was way off balance. I also had several very unhealthy dating relationships with guys during my high school years.
When I got to college, I had only been a Christian for a couple of months. I sort of new that I was supposed to spend time with girls, but I knew how to be friends with guys and I knew how to relate to them, so at the beginning of last semester I ended up (surprisingly) with a lot of guy friends and only a couple of girl friends.

God's been really working on my heart and I'm real excited about all the new girlfriends I've made over the past semester. so well see how it goes

Thank you Google

So I almost had a really bad day, but then I didn't (how juvenile do I sound? lol)

In preparing for the new semester today I was organizing everything on my computer I came to realize that I had two Google accounts, one attached to my original email (that I had created to use Google calendar) and one from the G-mail account USF gives us. So I decided to delete my old google acount because I hardly ever used it anyway and create a calendar attached to my USF email, for the sake of being streamlined and efficient. So I did that.

But low and behold, blogger is hosted by Google! I was not aware of this. Which might point to my lack of technical finesse or to my general airheadedness, you decide. haha...

So when I tried to access my blog to find it gone, I panicked! I spent about an hour trying to find the answer. I ended up Googling it actually, which is insanely ironic. But anywho, Google has step by step instructions just for people like me! So I got my account back, much to my relief.

But, in all the insanity and panic something became remarkably clear. I'm self-centered to the point of ridiculousness. I get more upset at the thought of my little scraps of writing being lost to cyberspace then about people going to hell. Even this little confession is self-centered. "oh look, how humble and Godly I am" it practically screams. Even my confessions about my confession is self-centered.

I can't escape myself.
"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal sold under sin. For what I am doing I do not understand. What I will to do, that I do not practice. But, what I hate, that I do."

-Romans 7:14

But, thanks be to God that I don't have to. The greatest mystery that has been revealed to me over this Christmas break is that while I keep on sinning, God keeps on winning. I'm tottally sucking as a christian right now, but God is still using me. That doesn't make any sense in terms of human logic. Think about it! If you were an employer and you had an employee that stole from you, wasted your time, talked about you behind you back and was completely incompetent, would you make her a manager? No, you'd fire her. But, God isn't going to fire me! Instead, he has raised me up to be a saint and to do greater things for him then I ever imagined possible.

Paul said in Ephesians that by accepting Christ we are free from our sins, no longer are we slaves, no longer are we bound for death.

"And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, ² in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, ³ among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. ⁴ But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), ⁶ and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not of works, lest anyone should boast. ¹⁰ For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:1-10

He also said in Romans that salvation is not through our on power. It's sobering to think that its impossible for us to become holy through our own power, but on the flip side how relieving it is to realize that we don't have to! Christ work is already accomplished, God's perfect plan of redemption is finished!

^"6 For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ⁹ Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. ¹⁰ For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. ¹¹ And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation."

-Romans 5:6-10

Can All The Women of God Please Stand Up?

Alright all you women of God out there, I'm talking to you tonight...

If you've spent any significant amount of time around me you know one of the topics that I spend a lot of time thinking (and reading, researching, learning and talking) about are my roles and responsibilities as a women of God.

I don't know if you've noticed it but there's a whole lot of people out there telling us how we should be living our life, and a lot of the time they don't agree. I got my friends telling me to do one thing, my parents telling me to do another, the media telling me I should be acting one way and the bible telling me to act another. Even theologians disagree in regards to what the bibles says are appropriate roles for christian women to fill.

What am I supposed to do? What is any God-fearing christian women supposed to do?

Am I here to glorify myself? To be constantly perfecting my body with the newest diet, the latest exercise plan, the most expensive makeup and surgical procedures? Am I just here to do what I want, for my own purposes, to fuel my own self-absorption?

Am I here to have a "successful" career? If I become the CEO of some fortune 500 company, where everybody respects my authority and buisness finesse will I be a women then? Or should I get my Phd and become the president of a college? If I become an "empowered" and independent women who needs no one, will I be satisfied?

Am I just here to marry some nice Christian guy, settle down and have babies? Is my future one of constant puttering away of time, of church bake sales, of gossipy dissatisfaction, constantly running after some child with a dirty diaper?

Am I worth only the services I can provide?

*(I would like to note that I don't think there is a single thing wrong with having a career or with being a homemaker. Both are vital roles in the body of Christ. However, I think it's important that we as women choose our path as a result of God's calling, not because we feel like we "have" to)

That's the lie the devil would have us believe that our lives are to be constantly defined by some person's evaluation of us, that our time is best spent doing what someone else thinks we should be doing.

What matters is: Are we living our lives on a day to day basis in the pursuit of God? Are we constantly seeking his face and his will for our lives? Do we do all things as if we were doing them for Christ? Who is the center of our world, us or Christ?

I've got so many voices telling me what to do it's hard to hear God in all the racket. I want to live for Christ so radically that when people look at my life they shake their heads and say "If Jesus isn't the son of God, she has wasted her life."

"If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men."

- 1 Corinthians 15:19

I get so discouraged by all the disagreements among Christians. When should a women speak, when should she be silent? What is submission? If I remain single, what am I going to do with my life?

I'm starting to think that most people think being a Christian women means being a quiet, passive, timid people-pleaser!

The sad thing is that I'm starting to think the Christian men think the same thing about us. If you've been around church people for more then a couple of weeks you've probably heard someone mention going on or knowing someone who went on a short term mission trip. They probably made a comment somewhere along these lines.
"and oh what a sacrifice those women made, no makeup or blow dryers for two weeks!"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Are you serious? Am I supposed to be so shallow and self-centered that going without the tools that empower my vanity is a sacrifice?

I don't know whether to be infuriated or saddened at the low expectations that exists out there for the average Christian women in regards to expanding the kingdom of God.

Oh, there's expectations out there all right.
I know exactly what I'm supposed to look like, I know exactly what kind of career I'm supposed to pursue, I know exactly what kind of man I'm supposed to marry and exactly what kind of children I'm supposed to produce.

But, what I want to know is how am I going to advance the kingdom of God!

The silence is deafening

I'm here to let the world know that there are Christian women out there who are fighting the world's stereotypes and expectations for their lives. I'm here to let the world know that Christ is alive. I challenge you to stop defining yourself by the standards of the world, and start seeing yourself as an ambassador for Christ, justified through grace and ready to take the good news of Jesus Christ to the world.

"Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For he made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God in him."

-2 Corinthians 5:20-21

I will live for Christ.

If he gives me a husband, then I will live submission to the very letter of the Word of God
and as long as he keeps me single then I will have pure relationships with all my brothers-in-Christ.

"For I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith is the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. For I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain"

-Galatians 2:20-21

Don't waste your life

So this is my second post of the day, which is a first for me. But, this song moved me in such a way I thought it merited attention.

All of us out there are looking for purpose. We're looking for something to define us, to fulfill us, to give us something to go after. We long for something to make us great, to rescue us, to make our lives matter. Every magazine cover and every book on the self-help shelf promises that if we just buy this, or do this diet or look this way or think that way then we will be happy. But, it's not working!
What am I here for?
Where can I find fulfillment?
Where can I find rest?


But, honestly what am I saying that hasn't been said before, and said better!

Luke 12:15-21
"And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” ¹⁶Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. ¹⁷ And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ ¹⁸ So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. ¹⁹ And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.”’ ²⁰ But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’ ²¹ “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RWEllqh5J0

[Verse 1: LeCrae]
I know a lot of people out there scared they gone die
couple of em thinking they'll be livin in the sky
but while Im here livin man I gotta ask why
what am here fo I gotta figure out
waste my life/ no I gotta make it count
if Christ is real then what am I gone do about
all of the things in Luke 12:15 down to 21 you really oughta go and check it out
Paul said if Christ aint resurrect then we wasted our lives
well that implies that our life's built around Jesus being alive
everyday I'm living tryin show the world why
Christ is more than everything you'll ever try
better than pretty women and sinning and living
to get a minute of any women and men that you admire aint no lie
We created for Him outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him Jesus comes and raises for Him
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser
he made us so we could bless Him and to the world we confess him
resurrects him so I know I got life matter fact better man I know I got Christ
if you don't' see His ways in my days and nights
you can hit my brakes you can stop my lights
man I lost my rights I lost my life
forget the money cars and toss that ice
the cost is Christ
and they could never offer me anything on the planet that'll cost that price


[Verse 2: LeCrae]
Suffer Yeah do it for Christ if you trying to figure what to do with your life
if you making money hope you doing it right
because the money is Gods you better steward it right
stay focused if you aint got no ride
your life aint wrapped up in what you drive
the clothes you wear the job you work
the color your skin naw we Christian first
people living life for a job make a lil money start living for a car
get em a house a wife kids and a dog when they retire they living high on the hog
but guess what they didn't ever really live at all to live is Christ yeah that's Paul I recall
to die is gain so for Christ we give it all he's the treasure you'll find in the mall
Your money your singleness marriage talent and time
they were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
that's why it's Christ in my rhymes That's why it's Christ all the time
my whole world is built around him He's the life in my lines
I refused to waste my life he's too true ta chase that ice
heres my gifts and time cause I'm constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ
If he's truly raised to life then this news should change your life
and by his grace you can put your faith in place that rules your days and nights

What is Church?

It's 2010, a new year has rolled in once again. I've been struggling to get my thoughts organized enough to put them down.

I guess I'll start with what's been happening over my break since I last wrote and go from there.
I spent Tuesday and Wednesday of this week helping out at my church. I really enjoyed being down there and I'm very thankful that my pastor gave me the opportunity to serve. It was very eye-opening to see what goes on in a church not on Sundays. I've never had a personal relationship with a pastor before. Other people who've always been in churches where they know the pastor personally probably don't understand what's like to be in a church where you don't (which has been my experience up till now). Pastor Tony and his wife Pastor Jody know my name! and I've had conversations with them! I just think that's the coolest, nicest thing ever.

At this point in time I'm not really sure how all these experiences that I've been having with God and his church are going to play into my calling. I don't necessarily feel called to go into full time ministry at this pointing time, but then again I don't dislike the idea either. I feel like God has been showing me a lot of different things recently, about the nature of life, people and the church for a reason (well everything is for a reason, but you know what I mean).

One of the things I've been studying and looking into lately is the nature of church. What is church? What kind of got my started on this little quest for knowledge was one of my friends talking about faithful vs. non-faithful congregations. I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought you either believed in the bible or you didn't. I also thought that the main difference and dispute between denominations was whether you should have communion every Sunday or not, or if it's okay to have drums in the worship service.

But, apparently, there's a lot more to the picture then that. But, the conclusion that I've drawn currently is that the church is a community above all else. It's a community of people with the common goal in life of bringing glory to our creator. I'm still working on the other details. I'll uptdate you if I figure anything else out.

So as I've been studying theology I've been trying to figure out if there is a denomination that I agree with. Currently I don't claim to be anything other then a Christian. I do not want to attach a denomination to that until I'm sure I agree with everything that that church preaches and only if I feel called by God to join that church. The reason I want to figure out exactly what I believe in regards to theology is so that when it comes time for me to get married (If that's part of God's plan for my life) I won't end up marrying someone whose theologically incompatible with me. This is important to avoid because if we have children we will end up giving our kids a mixed message about the gospel.

Us college kids are in a very unique situation in regards to church. Most of us don't belong to churches and find it difficult to become involved in one. For me and my friends we get most of our "church" (that is fellowship, accountability and growth) from our christian ministry groups on campus. I've been incredibly blessed this semester by the sisters and brothers in Christ I've developed on campus. We've had lots of conversations on exactly how and how much we should be involved in a traditional church during these years of in-betweennes. So far we've concluded that what we're doing so far is fine and as long as we keep growing in God and seeking his will that if God wants us to do something differently he will reveal it to us.

I meant to write a post about my new year and all my thoughts surrounding that, but as per usual I don't have much control over what I write. I guess that'll have to wait for later.