And death came knocking

Death came knocking,
Arrayed in popularity, prosperity and the promise of fulfillment.
she called out
"stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant,
come to my house, and you will see,
that you can have all you ever wanted"

Enticed, mind raceing at all the possibilities
cracking the door for "just one peek!"
Not seeing that under that shimmering gown
there lay a corpse
And in her house, the dead are there
for her guests are in the depths of hell

Entranced, heart desiring to be master of my own fate 
ready to forsake the arms of my first love
who died and bled so I could be free
ready to forget His promises
of true peace and true joy
ready to fling away His sacrifice
and put Him to open shame

Then I remembered, how the Lord has said
"You fool! Tonight your life will be required of you!"
and "Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?" 
and "So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth
and "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God"
I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes....
 
Scripture references in order of use (Proverbs 9:13-17, Revelation 2:4, Hebrews 6:6, Luke 12:15-29, James 4:4, Revelation 3:16, Luke 9:62, Job 42:6)




I wrote this today in response to some serious soul searching and repenting the past few days. It's meant to be a spoken word (that is a poem that is performed). I'm usually not much for creative writing, but occasionally I manage to produce something of marginal quality. 

The semester is in full swing now. It's week seven and things are getting hectic. I'm carrying 18 credits this semester (along with 10-12 hours of clinical), on top of attempting to write my Honors thesis, maintain two jobs and an active church involvement. Everyday there are a million things grasping for my attention. And sadly in all this noise, I lost my focus.

I stopped living for His glory and started living for my own.

I spent this weekend laid low with a stomach virus of epic proportions, hardly able to get out of bed until Sunday, and even then, only with great effort. However, praise the Lord for that stomach virus! It forced me to finally stop moving long enough to see the direction I had been heading. I can see that this illness was indeed mercy from the Lord. Had I continued any longer in my foolishness, I would have plunged right over the spiritual cliff I was heading towards.

I get so caught up with the cares of this world. The lure of academic and career success, of relational success in marriage, of physical success in training and dieting pulls me away from my God. It's so deadly because the cares of this world slip into my life and grab a hold of my heart so slowly as to be almost imperceptible.

It is so shameful, how I could I turn my heart away to idols? After all my dear, sweet savior has done for me, how could I give my love to another? As I consider the weight of my sin, I frequently weep. It was my sin that nailed my savior to the cross. God should have crushed me, cleansed the earth from the filthiness of my depravity. Yet, God choose to crush His Son instead. The only human being who never left a sin stain on this world. Jesus loved us, served us, healed us and taught us about God. Yet we crucified Him, as surely as if we nailed His bloody hands the cross ourselves.

I am praising God today for His eternal patience. 

Thinspiration

If you've never heard of the above term, I would read this article. 

The idea of thinspiration is not a new concept to me. My younger sister actually introduced it to me as a way to motivate myself to loose weight in high school. I would toy with the idea of trying to follow their rules to achieve 'perfection'. I never followed through though. At that point in time I believed that this was a sign of gross personal failure. Now I see, that despite my indoctrination to the world of thin-at-all costs, I still had a semblance of a healthy psyche and healthy body image. Even as an unbeliever I knew there was something seriously sick and twisted about their way of thinking.

To be perfectly honest, even today, when I see so called "thinspiration," I am very tempted to believe the lies the pictures promote.

"If you were thinner, you'd be happier"
"If you were thinner, guys would like you more"
"No one will ever love you if you don't loose weight"
"You will never matter as long as you are fat" 

These lies are so deceptive and twisted. They will take over your life if you let them.  They are so dangerous because they strike right at the heart of a women. What woman can say that she does not, at the core of her, wish to be loved and cherished? Whenever I see pictures of 'thinspo', I am simultaneously disgusted and entranced. And sadly, sometimes I find myself wondering if perhaps they are right.

But these are lies. Lies straight from hell.

But, it is not enough to simply recognize the lie, we must also replace the lie with the truth.

The truth is, no matter how skinny you are, you will never feel skinny enough.
The truth is, if you hate who you are now, there is nothing you can do that will change those feelings.
The truth is, perfection is not attainable by human methods.
The truth, being skinny will not fulfill your deep desire for love and acceptance

All of these things will only leave you dry and empty, always searching but never satisfied.

Ladies, all of these lies must be addressed with the gospel. It is our only hope.

Jesus himself said: 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30) 

and,

 "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life." (Revelation 21:6) 

and once again,  

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." (John 6:35) 

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who 'Himself is our peace' (Ephesians 2:14), lived a perfect life, He never sinned, not even once (Hebrews 4:15-16). Yet, he choose to bear the eternal wrath of God for us, even when we hated Him (Romans 5:1-9). "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

Friends, if you have been struggling with an eating disorder. I just want to encourage you, there is hope! There is freedom from bondage to sin. If we run to Christ, He can make us whole.  Look to Christ!