I'm having one of those days were there's just to much swirling around in my brain to get it all sorted out into something intelligible.
I want to write about the rest of my weekend. About ballroom dancing club and the masquerade ball. I want to write about church on Sunday, about how peaceful and beautiful the whole day was. I'll have to get to that later.
I want to write about some areas where God has been growing me lately. Thanks to a couple of interesting situations and the help of two very good friends, I've learned a lot about what it means to be a sister in Christ and how to relate properly to my brothers in Christ. There's no need to get into the details of that.
It's so funny to me, but every single day I realize how big of a problem my sin is. People ask what's wrong with the world, why so much pain and suffering. I laugh at the power of the realization that I AM THE PROBLEM!!! My sin is the issue. I am indoctrinated into the ways of the world, am disgusted with myself when I realize at the end of the day that I still live like the world in many of my habits. Not to say that I hate myself or think that I'm some kind of evil thing. It's like Paul was talking about in Romans 7:14-24
"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. 16 If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. 19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
One of the areas where I have been struggling lately has been my media choices. I'm really proud of my taste in music. I think I have good taste and have acquired a large selection of music (including a lot of music videos). But, I know 70% of it isn't glorifying to God whatsoever. It glorifies the world and its practices. So it's got to go, that's what I'm doing right now and it's killing me. I love my music. But, I'm getting rid of it, I just wish it didn't bother me so much.
The other thing that's got to go is my speech habits. I am constantly taking the Lord's name in vain, I say Oh God, or OMG, or Oh lord or Dear sweet baby Jesus. It's ridiculous! I hate that part of myself.
I could go on, but you get the idea. I hold on to these worldly habits, thinking that I can squeeze by, that It won't impact my walk with God. but, it does!
It's got to go, all of this junk in my life has got to go now!! No more playing around, no more walking the line, I want to be a 100million miles away from the line in the arms of my savior.
There's a battle going on inside of me every single day between my flesh and my spirit. Which army am I feeding? Which one am I supporting? Every decision that I make determines which one will win, and that my friends is a scary thought.
